Arizona Christmas Slideshow

Move your mouse over the photo and to the bottom and press pause of you want to linger longer...(it goes pretty fast...

Many Days, Few Photos

The combination of navigating Windows 8 and navigating our minimalist dwelling space has made it kind of hard to do photos like I used to. But I think I am getting my mojo back, so here are the only photos I have taken of 2013 thus far. I hope to do better now that we are temporarily settled.

We came home from Christmas in Arizona to enjoy a visit from the Texas Melins.
We had a New Years Eve Party at the ranch house and the dads put on a fireworks show to ring out the old year as the rest of the family watched from the deck. It was pitch black and I was trying to maneuver the camera with gloves on, so the pictures aren't great, but it was magical. L-R: Liana, Adeline, Sariah, Samantha, Aunt Elena, Heidi, Grandma Melin, James, Jared, Uncle Mike, and Niles.

James & Sariah watching the fireworks.
I wish I were a good enough photographer to capture the beauty of the
fireworks glittering on the river.

New Year's ooo's & ahhh's

Liana & Addie

On New Year's Day, we met at Pine Creek to sled and cross-country ski, roast dawgs & marshmallows, sip hot cocoa, and enjoy the family. Here is Grandma Melin with her girls on the trail...four pretty girls!

Jared & James, cousin buddies

Jared & James eating hot dogs

James pulling Niles on a sled

Daddy kept everyone warm...fun way to start the year!
***

Once the holidays were over, we had to get packed and ready to move. We had to say goodbye to Heidi's paper elephants...

I made them for her room back in 2007, but it was time to throw them out.

***

On Monday, January 28th, Addie had her first band concert, playing my old flute.
She's a natural!

***

On Presidents' Day (2/18) I took the kids to the new Rainforest Adventure exhibit at the Museum of the Rockies, then lunch at Burger King (the only place with a playground for wild Niles), then some groceries at Costco & Walmart and home for naps. We got some bubbles while we were at Wally and enjoyed the sunshine for a while...spring is only a few blizzards away!

 





More photos soon...until then, here's the official song of February & March...

A Valentine Wish

I just came home from a Valentine’s Day lunch with my boys—I took James out of his first grade class at lunch time and had Niles with me as usual and we had such a good time (Heidi is at a class party and Rich went skiing with Addie's class). I was reflecting on what made lunchtime so sweet and I realized that it was watching the boys share and laugh together.  I think that good sibling relationships might be the sweetest reward of parenting. More than anything else that happens around here, seeing my kids play together, laugh together, share, help each other,  or support each other brings a huge wave of mamma joy.

 

A corollary to this thought is that I love people more when they love my kids. For example, I have a dear friend who is always so good to me, but she is even awesomer to my kids, especially my middle child. I have this one child that needs the love and attention of, like, four mommies but God only gave her one. So in her case, it really does take a village. Or maybe just one exceptional “auntie” who does the work of three other mommies. This dear friend has lived near us since my girl was 3, but she moved away last year and we missed her much more than we expected to.  I got to thinking of all the ways she helped to make my girl feel special and how I could never do it without her. I got a little choked up  thinking about all her thoughtful, inspired acts of kindness and I felt another wave of mamma joy, and gratitude, too. I realized I love this friend because she is good to me, but I love her more for all the ways she serves my children—for doing the things I wish I could do but can’t.

 

Then I had a “light bulb” moment. I thought to myself, This is what God is talking about in the scriptures. This is what he means when he says, “Insasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:40). I mean, I am sure He appreciates our worship and faith and obedience, or whatever we bring to the altar, but I think He is most touched and honored when His children do things to help each other that He can’t do for them Himself right now (maybe by “can’t do” I mean “Is not allowed to do” right now,  as part of the plan of salvation and agency and all that). I think of times when I can’t (and shouldn’t) be with my kids—during school, during activities, etc.—and think of the challenges they face there without me, and I appreciate the teacher or the friend or the sibling who sees their need and extends kindness and comfort  I would give if I were there. I am profoundly grateful and moved. And I believe that is a taste of what our Father in Heaven feels when we love one another.

 

So I am learning in a new way what this scripture, which meant so much to me as a missionary, means to all of us:

“Behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom, that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17).

On this “Love Day,” I re-read one of my favorite talks for personal study. You can read it, too, if you click HERE. I want to be kind. I want to assume the best of others and listen to the Spirit’s guidance so I can serve in the most effective, loving ways. I want us to lighten one another’s parenting load by loving all children the way their mamas would, the way the Savior would, if He were physically here. This is WISDOM. I would like to be found possessed of this kind of wisdom, and charity, at the last day and see Him as He is because I’ll be like Him. That would RULE.

WHAT YOU FEED GROWS…

This concept is so beautiful to me. I know it is expressed many times in many ways in the restored gospel, but I like the Buddhist words. If you exchange “DOUBT” for “ANGER” or “SUFFERING” and “TESTIMONY” or “FAITH” for “COMPASSION” or “HAPPINESS,” you can read the story of what I have experienced the past few years:

“In Buddhist psychology, we speak of consciousness in terms of seeds. We have a seed of anger in us. We have a seed of compassion in us. The practice is to help the seed of compassion to grow and the seed of anger to shrink. When you express your anger you think that you are getting anger out of your system, but that's not true. When you express your anger, either verbally or with physical violence, you are feeding the seed of anger, and it becomes stronger in you. It's a dangerous practice….

“Happiness and enlightenment are living things and they can grow. It is possible to feed them every day. If you don't feed your enlightenment, your enlightenment will die. If you don't feed your happiness, your happiness will die. If you don't feed your love, your love will die. If you continue to feed your anger, your hatred, your fear, they will grow….

“Small enlightenments have to succeed each other. And they have to be fed all the time, in order for a great enlightenment to be possible. So a moment of living in mindfulness is already a moment of enlightenment. If you train yourself to live in such a way, happiness and enlightenment will continue to grow.

 “If you know how to maintain enlightenment and happiness, then your sorrow, your fear, your suffering don't have a lot of chance to manifest. If they don't manifest for a long time, then they become weaker and weaker. Then, when someone touches the seed of sorrow or fear or anger in you and those things manifest, you will know to bring back your mindful breathing and your mindful smiling. And then you can embrace your suffering.”- Thich Nhat Hanh

I have taken long stretches of feeding my doubt; I have followed up with feeding my faith. There is a beautiful contrast. I am happy and more peaceful and enlightened when I feed my faith; I feel restless and discontent when I feed my doubt. Some people like that feeling, so I say to each his own—search on, brother. Some people feed their doubt until faith is totally dead and doubt becomes a sure negative—atheism (which requires an arrogance and a worship of five senses I could never muster; agnostics, though, I can dig. There is a humility in saying “I don’t know” and I love that, but I digress...). As for me— I like the peace that comes to me from acting in faith. This is not to say that I have or ever will go back to my “all is well in Zion,” five-fingered testimony because the truth is I don’t have that anymore. But I traded it in for something else and I am better.

[aside: Did you know I think in songs? Well, I do. Here’s a little song that I sing to myself constantly like a mantra or self-soother; I love it…

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

 I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile

- John Henry Newman]

I don’t know much, but I know to my bones that Christ’s atonement is infinite and eternal, and it is so much bigger than His church or this world or my little mind. Every soul matters to Him; every soul has a journey to experience that will lead back to Him eventually. I know He is that Good Shepherd, that He hikes through the rains and the wind and the dark to save The One, and that He loves that one as much as He loves little me who likes hanging out with the fold, and His atonement will reach into the crevices and speak to our broken hearts in ways that we believe impossible. I know He wasn’t kidding when He said we will come to Him with broken hearts and contrite spirits because that’s what life is. Nobody gets out without breaking. And then He puts us back together—over and over again if need be.

[And this is one of my faves about Jesus:

There is hope for every soul that’s lost

There is a way back home

No matter where you roam

Let His love heal you

And lead you there

There’s a place for every heart in pain

A place where there’s no hurt

And there’s no shame

Let His love reach you

And teach you

Every hour

--M. McLean, from The Prodigal Son video]

So if you’re tired of the negative, stop feeding it. Just try. We are children of The Divine and our thoughts and intentions carry energy and power (faith being the most potent, IMHO). I did the experiment and it worked…what we feed really does grow.

 

Ringing in 2013...

Wow. It's 2013...this blog turns ten in May. It has been a ride. I feel so sad to have slacked to much in my blogging this fall and winter, but I don't feel guilty. I know I am putting my time and attention where is should be, but truth be told, I do miss it a little. I still have the heart and soul and mind of a blogger. I miss sharing and conversing about our doings and the things life is teaching me. I'll be back in the swing soon enough, but now is just a very busy, unsettled season of life, not conducive to screen time for Mama.

So the things I want to blog are: Our move, Christmas Trip to Arizona, our New Year with Texas Melins, our grief as a ward family, our plans for the future, a touching podcast,  the small victories and cutenesses of our children. To name a few.

Our move in a nutshell is this: We are packing up 2300sf and 8 years of stuff and cramming it into a storage unit and 900sf of rental for a few months until our 3200sf of brand new coziness is built (which takes 3 months according to our beloved builder, but we're planning on 4-5 just so we don't get our hopes up). I would rather live like a hobo in a tiny duplex than pay somebody else's mortgage. I may regret my stubbornness...ask me again in March! Our house sold on December 3rd and we were supposed to close January 11th. Our buyers are moving from Minnesota and our closing is contingent on THEIR closing in MN, which had a legal glitch. That glitch delayed our closing--thank the merciful heavens--til January 25th. I think I blogged before about the complete lack of 5bed/3 bath homes in the market here, so we have to build our own. Which means we have to rent a place in the meantime. So we spent a month looking at rentals and I promise you would be shocked at the shanties people want to rent to us for $800-$1000. Not gonna do it. So we decided to find the smallest place that would take us for the least rent. We told the kids we were all going to make a sacrifice and pretend like we are camping or staying in a hotel for 4-6 months, and then our sacrifice would result in a bigger, better home in the end. They were thrilled! Just kidding. They cried for days, but now everyone is on board. I'm not sure I can do it, but we're all in. Let's just say we won't be entertaining for a while.

I will make a post of photos of our Arizona Trip. It was too fast, we missed seeing many loved ones, but were grateful for the happy reunions that did take place. We were a little distracted by our broke-and-homelessness, but we made the best of it. It was very much a lilies-of-the-filed trip for us, with money and food coming to us like manna from heaven the whole way. Thank you dear friends and family who fed and housed and loved us...it was a beautiful time, and every little kindness reminded me of Jesus, which makes for a pretty poignant Christmas.

I will make another post of our New Year's Eve at the ranch house and our New Year's Day Snow Fun at Pine Creek with the Texas Melins. It was wonderful to see Rich's brother, Mark, and his family again after 18 months apart. Mark as been in Afghanistan for the past year and his wife Elena has done a great job at home with their 4 children. We were happy to see them all together again and have some peaceful and low-key cousin time. The Texas Melins will soon be New Jersey Melins and will live near our beloved Caspers at Fort Dix, which to me is a sign that I should drive my brood out for an East Coast adventure and see them all (as soon as Niles is more travel-friendly).

We came home from our trip to sad news--two untimely deaths in our ward family. To me, it was if Heavenly Father was saying, "You wanna cry about a little upheaval? You think moving to a new house is a problem? I'll show you a problem...". I lost myself and my anxieties in the heartache of our dear friends and their crushing losses. After the funerals on the 31st and the 4th, packing and letting go of my anxieties seemed much less daunting.

As I mentioned, the rental situation here is hellacious, but we were blessed to find a builder who is a true craftsman, who inspires our faith and confidence in this big investment of time and our family nest egg. I consider it a small mercy to have that sense of trust a safety--peace is hard for me to come by in times like this, in big decisions like this. We looked at some houses he has built and happened upon a floor plan that would work for us. We asked him about customizing it and working within certain time and budget constraints, and after 4-5 hours of discussing, I think we have a good plan for our family.

I have so much more to share--I'll post the photos of the holidays soon, as well as some of the kids' doings, and some soul-satisfying, testimony-strengthening words from a beautiful podcast I enjoyed last week. Life is a challenge right now, but God is working it all out, throwing little tender-mercy-crumbs along the path, like "Lead, Kindly Light": :I loved to choose and see my path but now...lead thou me on...one step enough for me." At least that's what I tell myself everyday. One foot in front of the other...through the shadows into the marvelous light...

Oh, December.

Well, I have set a new record for blogging lameness. I don't know if I have ever gone more than a month without blogging since I started this blog, comin' up on 10 years ago! Go, me! But when I tell you why, you will empathize.

 So November--sick baby, trip to Utah for Thanksgiving, sick mommy...nary a photo of any of this, but trust me, it was a great Thanksgiving. Before we left I was released from the Primary Presidency and called to be the Ward Music Chair and the Ward Historian, which is kind of awesome, although leaving Primary makes me cry (I've found a way to linger longer by pinch-hitting as chorister while they find a new one, mwahaha).

Anyway, our trip-- Adeline turned 11 our first day in Utah. Nana and Aunt Jill gave a her a fun party. Our family dinner was sweet, and so was the post-TG cousin gathering the next day. But then we came home and I was tired and I got out all the Christmas stuff and we put up the tree for FHE on the 26th. Then Friday night November 30th our whole family went on the Christmas stroll and had soup and s'mores at The Pickle Barrel. It was super fun. The next day we did family pictures and went to Hailey Strupp's baptism and got an offer on our house. On Monday the 3rd we made a counter offer at noon and it was accepted that evening AND THEN MY HEAD EXPLODED. We got the kids to bed and stayed up late looking at real estate on the iPad and had our realtor call to make a verbal offer on a house we have liked for a while--the only house on the market nicer and bigger than ours. She called just as the owners signed the cancellation agreements with their agent and took the house off the market. After almost 2 years. WHAT? I know, you can't make this stuff up. So then we frantically looked at a bunch of houses, raised our budget a tiny bit (cuz hubs is a rock star and his credit score is near perfect and he scored us a rock-bottom interest rate) and got pre-approval and realized that we have to build a new house (here's where I start bleeding out my eyes...ARRRRRRGH!). So yeah...packing at Christmas time.

Oh, and did I mention that Niles has been freakishly ill since the end of September and we finally went to an ENT, got a referral,  and he had ear tubes put in and his adenoids removed so he can breath and hear now? Well, that happened yesterday and he is already so much better. Babies + General Anesthesia= almost too much for me. But he ruled that recovery.
Oh, and did I mention I am the new music chair? And it's Christmas, the most musical time of the year? Yeah, so there's that, plus a ward slideshow where I sorted through 600+ pix, created an awesome soundtrack, and then wrestled Windows8 into submission (Oh, and did I mention our computer died and we got evil Windows 8 and I have had to relearn everything I ever knew? Yep. I told Rich, "The spirit of Tom Hapgood is in this room laughing at us right now for not buying Mac!").

And we all lived happily ever after. (Well, after we drove 1400 miles each way to Christmas in Arizona and packed up our house and lived in a rental for 4-5 months)

So here are some photos:

This one is for Gramma Lyn...look at your snuggly boy!

Niles helped me fluff the tree on Nov. 26th.

We visited Santa on the Christmas Stroll November 30th, but Niles was having none of it.

Only with Daddy.

Addie & Heidi getting soup at Pickle Barrel

My Sunshines.

My big and my little lovies, post-s'mores.

Santa Daddy and James
 

Me & my girl
***
 

December 13th we celebrated St. Lucy's Day and the kids slept at Grandma's house that night so we could get up at 5am and take Niles to the Hospital in Bozeman for his surgery. We had a fun Lucia night with Grandpa & Grandma Melin.

Addie-Lucy serving peparkakor to James our star boy.

Lucia & Her attendant singing Feliz Navidad.
[We are nothing if not multi-cultural around here: Mormons celebrating a Swedish/catholic/Lutheran holiday with Mexican Carols!]

Niles is in awe
 

Star Boy, Lucy, &" Moon Girl"
...here's wishing you plenty of bright, warm days as 2013 unfolds...may your days be merry & bright like the light St. Lucy brought.

Early November Photos

If you're my facebook friend you know that my desktop computer died last week and I lost my bearings for a minute there. To add insult to injury, our new computer uses Windows 8 and it's hard to learn my way around. ACK! I'm too old for this, my brain is not as elastic as it used to be. Anyhoooo, here we are and I am thankful to be back in the blogging saddle. Here are some photos:

All our jack-o-lanterns, grown in the ranch garden by Grandma & Grandpa. Addie's Owl, Niles' silly face, Mommy's leaves, Daddy's PacMan, James' dinosaur, and Heidi's Spooky face.

Our Thankful Tree, put up on November 3 and thankful leaves added at family night on November 5.

The whole tree features these pretty ornaments from Mama B., Ellen Buchert. She paints the botanicals, then mounts them on handmade paper with a twine loop and they are beautiful. Looking at the tree with her paintings on it reminds me of "For the Beauty of the Earth"...good thought for a month of gratitude. The prickly pear is my favorite, and the pomegranate, as both grew in our yard in Arizona.

Thankful Tree is living in a real milk bucket this year, with a family photo hanging prominently.

Another shot of Ellen's pretty ornaments.

We had a blizzard just in time for a long weekend...the girls built a little igloo.

Snuggling in their snowdrift la-z-boys

cold Adeline

Wild Heidi

Cute sisters

Having a good laugh.
***

I've got more to write, lots of thoughts, a surprising pit in my stomach since midnight the sixth, and some gratitude mixed in there, too. I'll be back, now that I've learned how to turn this new-fangled computer on, heh, heh.