Early April 2013: Retrospect

On March 29th the kids were out of school and it was too cold to hang out outside for long, but we bought some balloons and let them go out by the park to celebrate Great-Grandpa Bill's 88th birthday.

James, Niles, Heidi, and Addie 3/29

3-2-1 Lift-off!
 

If you look close you can see 4 balloons floating north east (Niles' balloon is closest because he didn't want to let his go at first)

 

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After Easter Baskets and Sacrament Meeting on Easter Sunday (March 31st), I hopped in the van with the kids and headed down to Utah for Spring Break. Our first stop that night was The Layton's in Tooele.

Niles and Addie, James, Owen, and Heidi at Laytons', 4/1

James, Jack, Jake, Heidi, and Sam;
On Tuesday, April 2 (Happy Birthday, Great Uncle Matt!) we met our Peterson & Postum cousins at Thanksgiving Point. We were happy to learn that our Museum of the Rockies memberships get us in to the fun stuff at TGP!

James on a pony at TGP

Niles imitating a goat at TGP with cousin Belle
 

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Later that evening, we went to the Herriman Rec Center to swim at their awesome water park with our Postie cousins who just moved back from Australia (no pictures, sorry!). It was super fun! Wednesday we just had a bunch of playdates with cousins & got ready to drive to Las Vegas at 5am Thursday. The drive was perfect, the kids were great. We realized that we would gain an hour crossing the Nevada border, so we stopped and had a nice breakfast and played at the playplace in Beaver, Utah. Then we drove to the airport in LV and picked up Daddy (Rich) at noon and headed over to visit the Holm Family in Henderson.

 

We went to watch Haylee Holm play basketball at the church, and they needed another player, so Addie jumped right in and did a great job--her first time ever even trying to play! Kurt was the coach and they played two games--one win, one loss--and we went home and had soup and visited with Jessica & Zach and the whole family that night.

 

The next day (Friday, April 5th), Haylee and Eric went to school and Kurt and Zach went to work. Jessica and Debbie took us downtown to see the planes landing at the airport, then see fun things on the strip.

First stop: ride the tram to Bellagio and see the giant chocolate fountain and the gardens. Here is my biggest chocolate fan, James, in front of the fountain.

Here's our family at the gardens

walking past Paris, Las Vegas

Addie outside the M&M store

 

On the 4th floor of M&M World we found this M&M racecar

On the 2nd floor, we found the M&Ms!

Every M&M you can think of!

Hello Kitty with Heidi & Addie on the strip

Addie & Coke World

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After a long hot day on the strip, we took a nap at Debbie's while she & Haylee took the girls shopping. Deb brought home a birthday cake and Kurt brought pizza and we had an early birthday party for Heidi.

Niles made a huge cupcake mess

Heidi with her dragon cake. She got a cute little pony from the Holms and an iPod Touch she has been earning from us. She cried!

Niles sneaking a taste

What James looked like Saturday morning at Holms'

Saturday Morning we packed up and said goodbye to our dear friends and hit the road just in time to listen to the beginning of conference on the radio. We drove to Herriman where Rich went to priesthood meeting with Mark & Marshall. Grandma Lyn was at my mom's house so we visited with her for a while, then slept over at the Posties' house that night and Sunday night.

Cousin Fun with Posties: Spencer, Gavin, Liam & Melanie laughing at Owen & James.

Laytons came over for dinner Sunday night; Here's James, Heidi, Niles, Owen, and Maeby on the deck.

Kristen, Melanie, Sam, Audrey, Will, Spencer, Addie, Liam, and me eating inside Sunday night.

***

 

We drove home early Monday morning in a rain & snow storm, but got home in time to watch them start the basement of our new house on Tuesday, April 9th.

Here's the ground all graded and the house outlined.

James & Heidi in the digger.

On April 11th, Addie's class had a Pasta Dinner fundraiser for the Trout unlimited/Watershed Warriors program at school. They dressed up like Italian waiters and served us a really nice dinner.
 

My Lynners

The first week of March was like Mom's Hell Week up in here, with a zillion appointments and commitments all piled into five days. Toward the end of the week, one of the most demanding days was Parent Teacher Conference day--3 meetings, back-to-back. With the streak of luck we've had lately (you may have heard our house we are selling has been under contract for 107 days and counting), I wasn't exactly looking forward to conferences.

 

They turned out to be a gold-medal moment for me, for which I am grateful. I really needed that.

So thanks, kids and teachers.

 

There was a moment that deeply touched and changed my heart, though, that I really need to record.

 

Back story: it's no secret that our Heidi Lynn is a spirited girl who has challenged us at every turn (and may still). I have been trying desperately to bridge a gap in our relationship for a few years (the gap has many factors, including that she's my mini-me, only with no fear, so sometimes we clash, and also that I was in a deep and horrific and drawn-out depressive episode when she was born and took a nosedive for a few months thereafter), praying that her worst acting-out wasn't spreading to other relationships/places (you know, keep a tight lid on The Crazy--only freak out at home, that's our family motto, lol).

my favorite picture of Heidi--17 months old

 

A recent self-portrait Heidi left on my iPad

Well, her teacher sat me down at the conference and showed me her grades and some of her work as usual. There was nothing to worry about. But then she pushed all that aside and said, "There is something else that's not on these papers that I want you to know. As a mother, I would want to know this." (Uh-oh) She proceeded to tell me that Heidi is a one-of-a-kind kid, that she is friendly and sensitive and hyper-aware. She said Heidi is the most empathetic child she has ever met, and that she has these deep emotional reactions to the historical fiction they are reading and the issues they discuss in social studies. She speaks up when she notices injustices, in her reading and in the classroom. She always comforts people who are sad or hurt, even people who aren't very nice to her. "In short," her teacher said, "Heidi has a SOUL--this huge, generous, loving soul. You can't teach that at school. You should be proud of her."

  I SO AM.

 

Lynners, I am so lucky to be your mom! I am so under qualified, it's not even funny, but you are teaching me so much and making me a better person. I am so sorry when I hurt you or I don't understand you. I hope you know I am trying super hard and repenting all the time. Most of all I hope when you're all grown up, you will remember how much we love you, how much you have lit up our family and made it a hundred times more fun and exciting and hilarious. You are beautiful, smart, kind, capable, talented...a blessing to me and to the whole world who gets to know you.

I almost forgot! Here is a link to one of my favorite stories about Heidi. She really does love animals and Jesus with all her precious heart.

Arizona Christmas Slideshow

Move your mouse over the photo and to the bottom and press pause of you want to linger longer...(it goes pretty fast...

Many Days, Few Photos

The combination of navigating Windows 8 and navigating our minimalist dwelling space has made it kind of hard to do photos like I used to. But I think I am getting my mojo back, so here are the only photos I have taken of 2013 thus far. I hope to do better now that we are temporarily settled.

We came home from Christmas in Arizona to enjoy a visit from the Texas Melins.
We had a New Years Eve Party at the ranch house and the dads put on a fireworks show to ring out the old year as the rest of the family watched from the deck. It was pitch black and I was trying to maneuver the camera with gloves on, so the pictures aren't great, but it was magical. L-R: Liana, Adeline, Sariah, Samantha, Aunt Elena, Heidi, Grandma Melin, James, Jared, Uncle Mike, and Niles.

James & Sariah watching the fireworks.
I wish I were a good enough photographer to capture the beauty of the
fireworks glittering on the river.

New Year's ooo's & ahhh's

Liana & Addie

On New Year's Day, we met at Pine Creek to sled and cross-country ski, roast dawgs & marshmallows, sip hot cocoa, and enjoy the family. Here is Grandma Melin with her girls on the trail...four pretty girls!

Jared & James, cousin buddies

Jared & James eating hot dogs

James pulling Niles on a sled

Daddy kept everyone warm...fun way to start the year!
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Once the holidays were over, we had to get packed and ready to move. We had to say goodbye to Heidi's paper elephants...

I made them for her room back in 2007, but it was time to throw them out.

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On Monday, January 28th, Addie had her first band concert, playing my old flute.
She's a natural!

***

On Presidents' Day (2/18) I took the kids to the new Rainforest Adventure exhibit at the Museum of the Rockies, then lunch at Burger King (the only place with a playground for wild Niles), then some groceries at Costco & Walmart and home for naps. We got some bubbles while we were at Wally and enjoyed the sunshine for a while...spring is only a few blizzards away!

 





More photos soon...until then, here's the official song of February & March...

A Valentine Wish

I just came home from a Valentine’s Day lunch with my boys—I took James out of his first grade class at lunch time and had Niles with me as usual and we had such a good time (Heidi is at a class party and Rich went skiing with Addie's class). I was reflecting on what made lunchtime so sweet and I realized that it was watching the boys share and laugh together.  I think that good sibling relationships might be the sweetest reward of parenting. More than anything else that happens around here, seeing my kids play together, laugh together, share, help each other,  or support each other brings a huge wave of mamma joy.

 

A corollary to this thought is that I love people more when they love my kids. For example, I have a dear friend who is always so good to me, but she is even awesomer to my kids, especially my middle child. I have this one child that needs the love and attention of, like, four mommies but God only gave her one. So in her case, it really does take a village. Or maybe just one exceptional “auntie” who does the work of three other mommies. This dear friend has lived near us since my girl was 3, but she moved away last year and we missed her much more than we expected to.  I got to thinking of all the ways she helped to make my girl feel special and how I could never do it without her. I got a little choked up  thinking about all her thoughtful, inspired acts of kindness and I felt another wave of mamma joy, and gratitude, too. I realized I love this friend because she is good to me, but I love her more for all the ways she serves my children—for doing the things I wish I could do but can’t.

 

Then I had a “light bulb” moment. I thought to myself, This is what God is talking about in the scriptures. This is what he means when he says, “Insasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:40). I mean, I am sure He appreciates our worship and faith and obedience, or whatever we bring to the altar, but I think He is most touched and honored when His children do things to help each other that He can’t do for them Himself right now (maybe by “can’t do” I mean “Is not allowed to do” right now,  as part of the plan of salvation and agency and all that). I think of times when I can’t (and shouldn’t) be with my kids—during school, during activities, etc.—and think of the challenges they face there without me, and I appreciate the teacher or the friend or the sibling who sees their need and extends kindness and comfort  I would give if I were there. I am profoundly grateful and moved. And I believe that is a taste of what our Father in Heaven feels when we love one another.

 

So I am learning in a new way what this scripture, which meant so much to me as a missionary, means to all of us:

“Behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom, that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17).

On this “Love Day,” I re-read one of my favorite talks for personal study. You can read it, too, if you click HERE. I want to be kind. I want to assume the best of others and listen to the Spirit’s guidance so I can serve in the most effective, loving ways. I want us to lighten one another’s parenting load by loving all children the way their mamas would, the way the Savior would, if He were physically here. This is WISDOM. I would like to be found possessed of this kind of wisdom, and charity, at the last day and see Him as He is because I’ll be like Him. That would RULE.

WHAT YOU FEED GROWS…

This concept is so beautiful to me. I know it is expressed many times in many ways in the restored gospel, but I like the Buddhist words. If you exchange “DOUBT” for “ANGER” or “SUFFERING” and “TESTIMONY” or “FAITH” for “COMPASSION” or “HAPPINESS,” you can read the story of what I have experienced the past few years:

“In Buddhist psychology, we speak of consciousness in terms of seeds. We have a seed of anger in us. We have a seed of compassion in us. The practice is to help the seed of compassion to grow and the seed of anger to shrink. When you express your anger you think that you are getting anger out of your system, but that's not true. When you express your anger, either verbally or with physical violence, you are feeding the seed of anger, and it becomes stronger in you. It's a dangerous practice….

“Happiness and enlightenment are living things and they can grow. It is possible to feed them every day. If you don't feed your enlightenment, your enlightenment will die. If you don't feed your happiness, your happiness will die. If you don't feed your love, your love will die. If you continue to feed your anger, your hatred, your fear, they will grow….

“Small enlightenments have to succeed each other. And they have to be fed all the time, in order for a great enlightenment to be possible. So a moment of living in mindfulness is already a moment of enlightenment. If you train yourself to live in such a way, happiness and enlightenment will continue to grow.

 “If you know how to maintain enlightenment and happiness, then your sorrow, your fear, your suffering don't have a lot of chance to manifest. If they don't manifest for a long time, then they become weaker and weaker. Then, when someone touches the seed of sorrow or fear or anger in you and those things manifest, you will know to bring back your mindful breathing and your mindful smiling. And then you can embrace your suffering.”- Thich Nhat Hanh

I have taken long stretches of feeding my doubt; I have followed up with feeding my faith. There is a beautiful contrast. I am happy and more peaceful and enlightened when I feed my faith; I feel restless and discontent when I feed my doubt. Some people like that feeling, so I say to each his own—search on, brother. Some people feed their doubt until faith is totally dead and doubt becomes a sure negative—atheism (which requires an arrogance and a worship of five senses I could never muster; agnostics, though, I can dig. There is a humility in saying “I don’t know” and I love that, but I digress...). As for me— I like the peace that comes to me from acting in faith. This is not to say that I have or ever will go back to my “all is well in Zion,” five-fingered testimony because the truth is I don’t have that anymore. But I traded it in for something else and I am better.

[aside: Did you know I think in songs? Well, I do. Here’s a little song that I sing to myself constantly like a mantra or self-soother; I love it…

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

 I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile

- John Henry Newman]

I don’t know much, but I know to my bones that Christ’s atonement is infinite and eternal, and it is so much bigger than His church or this world or my little mind. Every soul matters to Him; every soul has a journey to experience that will lead back to Him eventually. I know He is that Good Shepherd, that He hikes through the rains and the wind and the dark to save The One, and that He loves that one as much as He loves little me who likes hanging out with the fold, and His atonement will reach into the crevices and speak to our broken hearts in ways that we believe impossible. I know He wasn’t kidding when He said we will come to Him with broken hearts and contrite spirits because that’s what life is. Nobody gets out without breaking. And then He puts us back together—over and over again if need be.

[And this is one of my faves about Jesus:

There is hope for every soul that’s lost

There is a way back home

No matter where you roam

Let His love heal you

And lead you there

There’s a place for every heart in pain

A place where there’s no hurt

And there’s no shame

Let His love reach you

And teach you

Every hour

--M. McLean, from The Prodigal Son video]

So if you’re tired of the negative, stop feeding it. Just try. We are children of The Divine and our thoughts and intentions carry energy and power (faith being the most potent, IMHO). I did the experiment and it worked…what we feed really does grow.