Life in a Northern Town

On The Edge

It's amazing exactly how far away I can get from being the person I planned to be/should be/can be/want to be on a given day. Nothing I did today turned out well at all. Most things were downright horrible. And so were my reactions. Wait--I take that back. Vacuuming under and all around the couch, loveseat and chair cushions went well. They are very clean and the vacuuming was uneventful, and I found 84 cents in the process.

I am tired so I won't even begin to list all the terrible two-year-old things Addie did today (aside: she always packs her naughtiness into one horrible day every other month or so, and the rest of the time she is a generally sweet little girl). But here's ONE: I woke up to her standing next to my bed saying, "Mommy, I need a bath. Mo-o-o-m, wake up! I need a bath"--covered from hair to toes in Desitin!! And that was just the 8 o'clock hour.

Suffice it to say that I spent the 3 o'clock hour in tears, with Addie crying in her bedroom and Heidi crying on my lap. Three tired and yucky-feeling drama queens under one roof...not so pretty. Potty training has gone slightly awry and I think I lost my marbles as I rinsed out a third pair of panties and Addie refused to nap. In my current state of long-term sleep deprivation, that is the worst thing that could have happened today. After my twenthy-somethingth night of less than 5 hours of sleep and no naps, my eyes refuse to focus, I have a constant cough, I tried to put my bra on outside of my shirt and I left Addie in the tub for a half hour...all I need is a nap.

Well, now it's 11:oopm and here I still am. I am taking a Unisom and sleeping through the night if it kills me (the girls haven't been sleeping well since mid-August because they have bad coughs and congestion from either allergies or a very persistent colds, therefore I haven't been sleeping well either). I have to wake up with some energy and health so I can keep up. I have to be a better mom and wife and have patience AND good sense to spare. Right now the well is dry and it's times like these that I miss my close girlfriends and I wish my mom were close by (one's in-laws never seem to understand such exhaustion, such end-of-my-rope-ness). Shucks.

Exhausted and isolated and freaking out. I'm off to meditate and medicate til it all goes away...more (and BETTER) tomorrow...