About 2004
This is the “more detailed” letter I mentioned in our Christmas Letter this year. I decided to try out the Dr. Seuss-style letter this year and it was kinda fun—I probably won’t do it again, but it was a nice change. Meanwhile, I left lots of details out of the letter, which I will address here.
I’ve decided to write in a Frequently-Asked-Questions format instead of chronologically because—well, not much happened chronologically, aside from the pregnancy and birth of Heidi and the endless building of the house.
I’ll answer from my point of view because Poor Richard has worked himself silly and frankly hasn’t the time nor the energy to sit down and write a coherent sentence, let alone a letter. If you asked him, “How’s life?” for instance, he’d answer, “What life?” However if you have questions about construction methods or tools, insurance, Livingston City codes, contractors, sub-contractors, or Flogging Molly’s latest CD, he can give you an enthusiastic and educated reply.
The girls and I thank God every day (literally) for a Daddy who works so hard for us and we try (sometimes failing miserably) to make his limited time at home pleasant and rewarding. It’s hard because we have certainly outgrown our apartment and tensions can be high with a kooky pre-schooler, a teething baby, and a mercurial wife (I recently stopped nursing and my hormones are adjusting—ahem—accordingly). But we do our best and look forward to settling into our self-built, handmade nest.
Q: So What’s the deal with this house you’re building?
In the FAQ format, one of the most FAQ’s is about our build. Here’s the story—last September, we read a newspaper article about the program, through the US Department of Agriculture and Rural Development. They were offering low-interest mortgage loans to first-time buyers who could make their down payments in sweat equity. Because the project is a mutual self-build subdivision—10 families, 10 houses, built and moved into simultaneously—the sweat equity equals anywhere from $15-20K. It’s a great deal—our loan will only be around $97K for a 5-bed, 3-bath house--and the spirit of the program is a really good thing.
But like most well-intentioned programs to help those “less-fortunate,” the program is a nice idea with very little practical or plausible application. In order for it to work without a hitch it would require absolute plans and deadlines, absolute charity and unity (in the scriptural sense*), and absolute equality—meaning participants of equal means, education, background, work ethic, skill set/ or teachability, etc. As is, the plan has turned into an interesting study in human behavior. No matter what sort of noble ideas you try to instill in the average person (especially those who are chronically down-n-out), it will always boil down to every man for himself. Me, me, me. Instead of just doing one’s part—showing up, putting in the contracted 30-ish hours per week, staying focused on the final goal of completing AT LEAST one’s own home, people have found time to bicker, complain, suspect, and worry about what their neighbors are doing (so-n-so is working too fast/slow, I haven’t seen that guy working, She has more volunteers than me and it’s not fair—it’s starting to sound like Goofy on the Disney cartoons: “Oh, the world owes me a livin…”). Entitlement mentality is annoying in kindergarten; it’s just scary in adults. I said the other day, it’s like communism vs. capitalism and communism is failing again, even in our little subdivision. We can only progress as fast as the slowest person and our initiative and work ethic go unrewarded. Not so great.
That said, I still genuinely like all of the people in our program—my neighbors. I have to assume that the stress of building must be bringing out the worst in some of them and they won’t be so self-centered when it’s all over. And our initiative is not wholly unrewarded—there is a house at the end. A beautiful home, built with our own blood, sweat, and tears. That’s a very good thing.
(* For the natural man is an enemy to God [and all that's good, I might add] to God, and has been from the fall Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child: submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. -Mosiah 3:19
And charity suffereth long, and is kind and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, speaketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—Moroni 7:45-6)
Q. How was your pregnancy/Delivery?
My pregnancy with Heidi was not all that different from the first one, but there was only one aggravating circumstance (keeping up with a 2-year-old) while there were several mitigating circumstances: (A) I didn’t have to jump out of bed early every morning (and by early, I mean before 9 am) to commute to work with a mean boss and throw up all the way; (B) I already knew what to expect; (C) I learned that I was using the wrong kind of Unisom for the Unisom+B6 anti-nausea cocktail. I used the gelcaps when I was pregnant with Addie and they didn’t help the nausea; however, the regular tablets have a different drug, and mixed with the vitamin, it really did help alleviate the morning sickness--and I slept better.; (D) my chiropractor gave me a homeopathic morning sickness remedy at about 17 weeks and I was never sick in the morning again. I still got sick from bad smells or eating the wrong foods sometimes, then caught a wicked croupy flu at Christmas time, so I ended up losing 9 pounds by February, then gaining 5 before delivery for a net LOSS of 4 pounds during the pregnancy. Then I lost another 16 by actually giving birth, so I was down 20 pounds, but that’s not saying much since (1) I gained about half back while nursing and (2) I was pushing maximum density in the first place.
Heidi’s delivery was lovely. I was kind of scared to deliver here—if you’ve seen the hospital, you know why. I think it’s smaller than my elementary school. And hokey. But it turned out to be a great experience, being the only person in the OB ward, having a very careful and methodical doctor and attentive nurses. I tested positive for Group B strep this time, and they like to treat you with IV antibiotics when your labor starts so you don’t pass the virus to the baby. Well, I went in for my regular 38 week check up and I was 80% effaced and 4cm dilated (it takes most people several hours of actual labor to get to that point; I seem to do it by everyday activity between 36-38 weeks) and they were afraid my labor would go too fast to get the antibiotics, so they asked me to come in the next morning—April 15th—to receive a round of antibiotics and be induced. So the IV started at 9am and again at 1pm, then a few hours later, they started the pitocin drip. I had mild back pains and little crampy contractions until they broke my water after 6 pm. Then labor increased steadily, becoming uncomfortable by 830pm and unbearable by 930pm. The heavy contractions came on so fast, there was no time for anesthesia, so I went at it naturally (this was NOT on purpose!). From 930pm to 940 pm I had some excruciating pains and asked for a local anesthetic and eventually an episiotomy. With four strong contractions and long pushes, Heidi arrived at 9:42. She felt smaller and seemed more sweet-tempered than brand-new Addie, but she has turned out to be bigger and much more vocal (although she has been an extremely sweet and easy baby). She weighed 7lbs 14 oz and was 20 ½ inches long. Today she is well over 20 pounds and 29 inches long, and is quite the sweetheart. By the way, my recovery was so quick this time! I took the girls on a mile walk on the Monday after the Thursday I gave birth
Q: How do you like Montana?
I will be the first to tell you I have looked all over North America for a place I love as much as my lovely Sonoran Desert home—totally peaceful weather (except for those ROCKIN’ monsoon thunderstorms), wide open spaces, high mountains, cowboys, Mexicans, etc. I thought I’d live in AZ forever until Rich brought me here. I was a little nervous about the winters, but then I learned to deal with them the same way I deal with heat above 95 degrees—avoidance. That’s what garages and picture windows are for—enjoying the winter in the safety of your own heated home or car. I haven’t done anything freaky like enjoying winter sports or anything like that. I still believe I will break out in hives or melt or something if snow touches me, but I really love where we live. It is a beautiful, wide-open, rough-n-tumble, generally conservative and fiercely independent, hard-working place/culture. There are some things I don’t’ like about the culture—like the rampant alcoholism and some lack of ambition, and no brown people—but there is a peace and steadiness and honesty about life here that I really like. Come see for yourself.
--more to come--
PS: The other huge part of our lives, aside form the looming build and our fabulous girls, is church. I think everyone knows we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints--Mormons--and it keeps up busy. Right now Rich is serving as a Primary teacher (that's kids' Sunday School). I believe he is teaching the nine-year-olds right now and they are a handful, but he does a good job. I am the 2nd counselor in YW over the Beehives. Translation: All the girls ages 12-18 are in an organization called Young Women; ages 12 & 13 are Beehives; 14&15 are Mia Maids; 16 7 17 are Laurels. Three adult women--the president, 1st, and 2nd counselors teach their third hour Sunday class and help plan/supervise Wednesday night activities (like community service, cultural refinement, craft and cooking skills, and general learning and socilaizing). This month we adopted a family for Christmas and the girls have had the best time making ornaments and then taking them a tree, choosing and wrapping gifts for them, organizing a Christmas feast and some back up food storage for them, too. The girls have a Personal Progress program that has goals for learning and growth--a lot like scouts--and I am having a good time doing the program with them. This experience makes me excited and sometimes trepidatious about raising two lovely girls--I dread thirteen, but at the same time look forward to it.
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