Married with Children

I got to visit two good friends while I was in Utah, both of whom are creative geniuses and neither of whom has children. While we chatted, one was knitting (yes, knitting) a Joey Ramone doll while the other was shopping a garden catalog, mentally designing a fabulous flower garden. What was I doing? Trying to get Addie to use the potty and stay in the yard, And cleaning up Heidi's poop, which escaped on to my lap and eventually required a bath. Oh, my. For that afternoon, my life was all about poop.

Later I read a post about one said friend and her husband trimming and bringing home spring's first pussywillow branches. I felt a twinge of envy for such a peaceful moment with my husband. Even if we did find time to take a walk, we'd eventually be talking about our parenting and/or house building concerns. And if we found pussy willows, I would admire them and think, "I can't take them home--one more thing for Heidi to try to eat, one more thing to pack and move."

But I still love to read about her life. There is so much in it for me to aspire to. I suppose envy is not the right word--"aspire to" is better. Here is an email I sent to her:

It was so nice to visit the other day, even though it was a poopy day (so was yesterday--with a fever, too!). I can't wait to see how Joey Ramone turns out.

I think we can each envy each other for different things. I certainly don't regret having my girls, but I miss Rich so much in this mad, mad rush of child rearing and house building. I know everything has gone how it's supposed to, but I sometimes wish we'd had time together to create more traditions and have more romantic legends and symbols that keep the two of us bound even in the rush of things. We have been commited to our weekly date (and I am SO glad--the prophets are surely inspired, because those few hours a week really make such an enormous difference--without them, empty-nesters must sit back and find that there is just nothing left of their pre-kids relationship!) and I know it will get us through the next decade or so, but I so look forward to bike rides and walks and secret places again someday. That's actually one of the factors in my trying to be healthy--after all the child-bearing and raising, I want there to be something (energy, health, beauty) left for Rich and me to enjoy on our own!

Sometimes I reach across the king bed, two girls between us, and grab his hand and say, "I love you... I miss you..." SIGH. So enjoy your husband double when you think of us and our babies!