When You're Here, You're Family

Due to the fact that I feel more like reading than writing tonight, you get to read something someone else wrote, taken from good ol' McSweeny's Lists Page. I dedicate this entry to my sister Dana, who used to be the Vice President or something of the Olive Garden.

REASONS I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'm FAMILY WHEN AT THE OLIVE GARDEN
By Matthew Rorem
The hostess never hints that she'd really like it if I went to law school.
The busboy is always very polite about denying my requests for money.
The waiter never hits me, pulls my hair, or tells on me for things I never did.
The manager never cheats on my dad.
The dishwashers don't like it when I hug them goodbye.

There's a lot more where that came from.

I just finished the audio book of Jonathan Safran Foer's Everything is Illuminated , but sadly I cannot recommend it. There are too many F-bombs and too much talk about sex for me to cheer for it. It was especially embarrassing because instead of quietly reading a book and skipping the naughty parts, I was listening to it full blast while I was working on the new house and couldn't get to the boom box and tear off my rubber gloves and skip the naughty parts fast enough!I love Jews, and especially smart little Jewish boys who publish their first novels at age 22 and write historical fiction about their trips to discover their roots in Ukraine, but not when they make up stories about their Grandpas being the gigilos of the shtetls and stuff like that. I am on the waiting list for his second novel, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (a 9/11 mystery--??) and for Nick Hornby's 31 Songs (Livingston's Library has only one of everything-- lots of audiobooks which are useful when one is painting one's entire house on one's own), so I'll let you know if I like those better.

Okay, more later. Must. Sleep.