I posted this on a friend's dream website:
(Heidi & Addie Christmas 2004)
(Heidi & Addie Christmas 2004) Every night since I miscarried I have dreamt about losing the girls. The first night, Rich dreamed that, too. Every night it's a different scenario, but every night it's the same horrifying plot--we have lost one of the girls or one is stolen, left behind, or dying. Usually there is a happy ending (we are all reunited safe and unharmed), or else I wake up before the resolution because I am so stressed out by the dream. In the daytime I feel perfectly fine, but somewhere my mind must be working things out. Thoughts?
Last night I dreamt that we were at the airport and Rich and I had to take Addie to the car at the curb for some reason, and we left Heidi inside. I was going to stay with Addie in the car while Rich waited inside with Heidi. In the short seconds we were both outside, several busloads full of terrorists (they were WASPY Americans, by the way, with a political beef) took everyone outside the airport hostage. We were lying on the ground with guns to our heads while Heidi was alone inside and we could no longer see her through the window. The plot went on and on and we got out alive, but the most horrible moment was when Heidi came wandering out the automatic doors into the hostage situation. Luckily they let me get up and grab her, but it was straight up terrifying. In the daytime my thoughts are totally normal, but I must have issues in my subconscience.
6 comments:
Man! I totally feel you Jamie! The past couple months of this pregnancy, I wake up about every other night thinking about some terrifying "what if" situation that involves Jake. Like last night, I was playing over and over in my head what I would do if Jake and I ever got in a car accident that put the car under water. I kept thinking stuff like, would I have enough time to save us? and Jake can't swim! I know about how long I can hold my breath, but what about him? Man! I couldn't stop thinking about it! I lay awake for about an hour each time trying to push it out of my head. I hate that.
James, I have dreams like that all the time too...and it's been 6 years sense I lost our baby. I love you and that is such a cute picture of the girls. Give them kisses form auntie Lu lu. XOXOXOXO
Yeah, you have issues....just like the rest of us who are parents. The fact is there has never been anything in our lives that we have cared for as much as our children.
I could go on and philosophise, or learn to spell, but you get the point.
I'm not saying I have never had these dreams before, I am just saying I have had them 7 nights in a row (I don't remember last night's dream, though). I have them once in a while and I always have kooky dreams when I am pregnant, but I have never had such intense dreams EVERY NIGHT! Last night I took a little bit of Unisom so I would sleep deeper--I just can't keep going on so little sleep just because I keep having exhausting, dramatic dreams!
I'm sure you are just processing through the m/c, and the hormones. I remember having dreams like that right after, the fear that something will happen to your living kids. I think you will just have to stick it out.
Thinking of you-- hoping you are feeling better. do you still have snow?
maj,
I have those thoughts when I am wide awake. I have seen so many things on tv, movies, read in books, that keep my mind going. We just moved here to Allegan I don't know anyone around us. So every day I get home and lock all the doors, just incase someone trys to get in. I always think what would I do if some on came in to my house, how would I keep them away from the boys. I understand. I love you, hopefully we will both get over this.
Post a Comment