Happy Mother's Day

Oh, my dear friends and fellow moms...I hope you've had the beautiful day you deserve!

That's me with my three darlin's at Multnomah Falls this afternoon.

Awww, kisses for mom!

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My kids have been "on one" today, and my mommy was only semi-conscious, but it has been a beautiful day anyway! Look what I got to do:

After a delicious breakfast burrito, cute cards, church, and a grrrreat nap, we went on a drive down the Columbia River Gorge. Our first stop was at the Vista House--loved it!
Our next stop was Multnomah Falls (Abby took this photo--cute, huh?)
The girls LOVED it! We hiked up to that bridge you see above them...
Abby, Sydnie, and Addie ran up ahead of us on the gorgeous trail...
James and I had fun watching the water up close and scaring ourselves by looking over the bridge!
On our way back to the car, James caught one last sight of the falls and I thought his wonderment was adorable! This truly is a beautiful place to be!

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My hubby topped off the wonderful gift of this trip by sending me to get my very first pedicure (and a manicure, too) yesterday. He took the girls and went with Mark to Abby's baseball game while I stayed here with James, per mom's request. When it became apparent that she was not going to be able to get up, I put James down for a nap and told her I was leaving for an hour or two, and I had the best time sitting in a nice massage chair with the foot bath, waiting for my "mani-pedi." (James woke up about 2 minutes after I got back--perfect!) Wow, that's good stuff. It could get addictive! So I am enjoying my rosy, cuticle-less nails today, trying not to spoil them with TOO much housework! ;)

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Mom has been mostly sleeping off her surgery and pain meds the past two days. She was actually asleep and incoherent more today than she was Friday or Saturday. I keep wanting to extend my trip to spend coherent time with her, but I don't know now if she'll be any better Tuesday than she is now...hm. I do kinda want to be here for her diagnosis so I can go home knowing what to do next, and to assure her that she'll have all the care & help she needs, but we'll have to see how tomorrow goes. I am having terribly mixed emotions and I feel very much torn between these two generations that I am here to nurture and care for. In many ways I feel like my time with my mom might be limited, so I want to give her all my attention, but of course life goes on and I have children and a husband whom I want to cherish and love, too. On the surface I have been busy working hard, trying to do the things mom would do if she were up and around, and it has been fun to do it. But I found myself inexplicably irritable and frustrated a few times today (when it really has been quite a nice day). I finally realized in the quiet of late night that I am feeling pretty angry, or at least "mad." I am mad that the world wont' stop and let me lay by my mom so we can talk and laugh. I am mad that, chances are, this is as good as it gets with mom---meaning all the fun times I have been looking forward to aren't going to happen, that I will continue to feel torn, possibly for years, as long as she is here with us, trying to make the most of what's left. I feel like taking care of her and spending time with her are most urgent, yet we all know from sad experience that I don't necessarily have unlimited time to be with my kids and hubby either--I can't put off time and attention with them just because it seems like I'll have them longer than mom. That saying form Marvin J. Ashton, "Make every encounter a kindly one," rings so true because, really, any encounter can be your last, with ANYONE, and shouldn't it reflect the whole of your relationship and all of your love? I'm trying to juggle it all. It's almost MORE frustrating being here and feeling mostly helpless, working really hard all day to do something, anything, that might in some way ease mom's burden, to take away some of the weight of what's to come. Today she couldn't wake up, so I washed all the bathroom rugs and shower curtain liners because that's something she probably won't get to anytime soon. She complained about her craft room being a disaster, so I just spent three hours organizing it, hoping against hope that she'll even get to use it. It sucks.

But I do feel so grateful for all the blessings that have been poured out upon me and upon our little family over the past 7 years. I am so grateful to be a mother and have three brilliant and healthy children. I am so thankful that the restored gospel of Christ is part of my life and brings such joy and direction in such a dark world. I am grateful to know that every poopy, snotty, whiny, giggly, mundane, creative, unique, loving moment of my day as a mother MATTERS. In a big way. All of my thoughts are captured so well this week at NieNie's blog, so go have a look when you have a minute and know that you matter, too. I am almost excited to see how the Lord will bless us and teach us over the coming months...buckle your seatbelts because I think it's going to be quite the ride.
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I Love My Mama!