Friday, January 08, 2010

WTH?: Dating Edition, chapter one

My delightful old friend and blog pal, Stephanie Ingermanson Lund (yeah, I posted your WHOLE name) posted a hilarious tale of a date-gone-wrong on her blog, so I decided to shamelessly copy her. And if you've got a good story, post it on you blog or in the comments here. Like I told Steph, might as well make use of those 15 years of dating, right?

So my first installment...OMG. Actually, now that I sit down to write the play-by-play, it's a bit sketchy. Erin or Heidi will have to correct me in the comment section. Somehow, somwhere, a few months after my mission (while living with The Young Ones), I met a dude on the UTA commuting from work at a printing press. I can't remember the details, except that he seemed pretty lonely and I talked to him for a while and he asked me for my phone number.

Now, this was in the days before the luxury of caller ID, people, and also before I had any idea that I could/should give out a fake number in this situation (Really, this was always a huge problem for me---first, having a terribly soft spot in my heart for the Eyores and Underdogs of the world, and secondly, being a horribly inept/naieve liar). Also, he clearly had some socializing issues, what might be diagnosed as mild asbergers or something nowadays. So there ya go.

A few days later, Heidi gives me a message from him (I forget his name), and I look puzzled and then say, "Bus Boy!" Ack! And I am acking in my head because I know I will go on a date with him, because that's what I do. I promised myself that unless I have a true prompting NOT to go (sense of danger), I should have the courtesy to say yes if someone has the courage to ask. Yeah, I know. That's a standard I prolly won't pass on to my girls, but I must add here that it's prolly what led me to my hubs cuz I kinda didn't really want to go out with him at first, either. Nothing against him, I just wasn't INTO the dating at the time. So I must say this policy resulted in the treasure of my life. Anyway, back to Bus Boy.

So he wants to take me to a movie and The Remains of the Day is playing at the Wilkinson Center so we decide to see that (which, mmmmkay--if you have seen that movie, you know the pace and subtlety of the story line, and I am going with a borderline asbergers patient; bus boy+subtlety=match made in hell). Bus Boy clearly has no car (common in Provo) so we are walking across campus--from 500 N to the Wilk-- at night, so I insist that one of my roommates joins us, cuz, you know, they don't call it "rape hill" for nothing. Just in case.

So we go to the movie and have a totally awkward time. Bus Boy is totally lost with the story line. I am totally uncomfortable, but he wants to walk us home. Um, okay. We walk and make clumsy conversation. He asks me if , appropos of absolutely nothing, he can hold my hand. Um, okay. We walk past the old testing center (where we went to church) and head down the hill, when he asks me about another date.

In my head I am screaming, "REALLY? Nooooo!" but I tell him I really like someone else and it wouldn't be fair, but thanks for inviting me tonigh--and I am interrupted by an almost-yell, as he exclaims, "Dang it! Why doesn't anyone LIKE me? Why can't I have a girlfriend?" I stand there everso uncomfortably watching my date launch into a tirade/meltdown. I feel really bad, but I know that sharing my sympathy is going to give this guy the wrong signals. I just know--I have learned from sad experience. So I mumble my condolences and maybe I grab HEIDI's* arm and say, "You don't have to walk us the rest of the way. I can see that you're upset. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." And we practically run home, glad he doesn't know exactly where we live because--just a hunch--Bus Boy may be a little unstable, and you never know when you could be someone's last straw.

* see Heidi's comment was fun for her, too. And Heidi, we wanted to beat up that blasted Hoodwink! Rememebr when he stopped by to see you after The Breakup and you weren't home. He asked Erin and I when you'd be home and we both said, "NEVER!"


Aimless said...

ahhhahahahahahahaha! omgoodness! that was the funniest thing I've read in a while. YUCK! The weebee jeebies of early dating life!

I'm totally posting mine!

kelli said...

So, I know that I don't really know you that well, but after that story...we could be sisters! hahah. I always used to get stuck in those situations because I just didn't have the heart to say no (or give a fake phone number). Thanks for the stroll down memory lane! kelli

Heidi said...

This is sooooo funny, because it wasn't Erin that went with you it was ME and it was a socially painful night for me too! Your cousin and I went with you as "body guards" on a "double date". Bent was very sweet but much shorter than me (I was very self conscious about my hight) and who should we run into but that boy I wasted two years of my life on who I had just broken up with. He sat down with us and made for an uncomfortable pang in my heart when he realized I was on a date. I am afraid to say that my memories of your date were vague and subsumed by my own wallowing in self pity. I do remember Bus Boy though and the flight home.
My kids are asking me why I am laughing out loud. How do I start to explain...

Elizabeth said...

So totally funny. Got to sit down and think about one. Might not have any since I didn't go out much. I bet Byron has plenty!

CasperintheUK said...

My kids will soon be asking me why I am laughing out loud! Yes. it was Heidi who went with you LMAO! Edwin, or whatever his lame-o name was LMAO! Who was that guy you went out with and brought me along as the obvious 3rd wheel? You and I decided before he arrived that if things were going badly I would volunteer the information that I was mentally unstable LMAO! And we totally had to resort to that! It's a bloody miracle that any of us got married! ROFLMAO. I think it was somebody from your mission.
My sister in law has just written a book about dating horror stories, oddly enough. It's titled "Don't Forget Your Pepper Spray" or "Don't Forget The Pepper Spray". Her name is Kristen Watkins and the book is hillarious.

the Marvelous Mrs. M said...

I loved you post. So hilarious! It inspired me to write about my worst date on my blog :)

Stephanie :) said...

Jamie--so hysterical! I'm going to link to this posting on my blog. I, too, suffer from the "accept a first date" syndrome. Thank goodness that's all behind me!

Jamie said...

Amiless--your date story was great! I've got one of those, too-- I'll post it soon (except I went WITH the bf I'd just broken up with--good times!)
Kelli--I thot of U guys while we were in Poky. UR so fun and I wish I knew U better! I'm glad you waded thru the muck to find Derrick--he's a great guy!
Heidi--Oh, how I miss you! Just tell the kids, "I'm laughing cuz Aunt Jamie is crazy."

Elizabeth--lucky you! yikes, don't let Byron share stories--I'm prolly one of them! ;)

Erin--such a flood of memories1 I dont' remember who that 3rd wheel date was with, but I just remembered all the crazy crap that happened to us--Steve just "observing" us, Lane taking all three of us "wildabeasts" out to dinner, Mark yanking your chain, that girl calling me from St. George to tell me to leave her fiance alone when HE was calling em and asking me're right, it's a miracle we ever got married, but I must point out that none of us came close to getting married until we weren't roommates anymore! We had to "graduate" from #5!
Mariesa, I am coing over to read yours!
Steph, I think you've started a blog virus! Post some more stories! And then agter the dating stories, let's post the craziest mission stories!

Heidi said...

Poor Lane! As backward as I was, I was HIS first date! And it went soooooo terrible until we picked you two up for dinner afterwards. Then it was so fun! And Erin, it was me you had to claim mental illness with after the scary guy in the living room. Remember we went next door for like an hour just to get rid of the cooties! Man that was an exciting year for being a year when nothing happened.

CasperintheUK said...

I feel like I'm at a WTF convention. LMHO. Heidi, I don't remember playing the "mental illness" card with you, but I bet I did. One thing I remember with you is getting sick from Kentucky Fried Chicken, and 7-11 hot dogs. LOL. And you couldn't have summed up that year better, " exciting year when 'nothing' happened."
"Be a dear (or deer) and get me the ketchup." Oooohhh, my sides hurt.
Remember walking home from church and Steve saying to me, "Your hair is such a unique color. Are there others like you?" WTH?
Remember the JW's that kept knocking on our door because Heidi made the mistake of being nice to them?

Jamie said...

Nothing Happened? Heidi, you cut off your finger and met the Bosstones and broke up with Edwin and lived with the young ones, all of which paved the way to meet Todd over the summer. It was'd be a great movie! Better than the traveling pants!

Jamie said...

and Erin, we're all still wondering if there are others like you. You're YOU-nique!

Becky said...

Oh yes, I am in love with this topic. So glad we all got married and out of the weirdness.


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