I have a lot of little things to write about today and in coming days, some pictures to post, etc., but right now I am getting ready to take my daughter to the doctor. She has been having tummy aches that sound a lot to me like lactose intolerance, but I've noticed she started worrying about what she eats besides the dairy products and I don't want her to be one of those dieting 9-year-olds. Alarm bells have sounded in my mind and I have begun rifling through my own comments and attitudes. Am I sticking to my committment to focus on hygeine, health and happiness and to avoid comments about size and appearance? Where is she getting the idea that she shouldn't eat certain things? Man, I hate this part of parenting, the part when you are reminded that your own influence is starting to shrink and the kids are picking up ideas from God-knows-where and you're on 24/7 alert to protect and defend what's true and what's right.
Reading Courtney's blog this morning brought tears to my eyes. I consider this post an answer to my mama prayers today. Have a gander:
I cannot nor should I keep my children in a bubble. I cannot keep them from the messages that bombard them. But I can teach them to think critically. I can arm them with truth. I can model self acceptance and I can create a safe haven—a place where they can talk and be heard, a place where they can question, scrutinize and still find acceptance.
You can too.
Encourage balanced eating of all types of foods in moderation; encourage eating in response to body hunger.
Get active as a family (not to lose weight but to use and enjoy your body—moderate exercise increases self-esteem and helps to lift depression).
Speak up when you hear family members making comments about a person’s body shape or weight—don’t allow this kind of talk in your home (even from grandparents).
Encourage and model critical thinking of messages we are exposed to.
Do not dismiss comments from your children about their bodies. Allow them to talk about it; ask questions; have conversations. Simply telling someone they “look great” or “don’t need to lose weight” will not change how they feel about themselves. But it will encourage them to stop talking to you about it.
Examine and if necessary, modify the appearance expectations you have about your own child.
Work toward openly loving and accepting your own body. In doing this, you will give your children permission to do the same. On the other hand, if you refuse to accept your own body, your children will receive the message that they must look a certain way to be loveable.
Here's something to think about as well: "You can't control or dictate the quantity of food your child eats, and you shouldn't try. You also can't control or dictate the kind of body your child develops, and you shouldn't try. What you can do, and it is a great deal, is set things up for your child so she, herself, can regulate her food intake as well as possible, and so she can develop a healthy body that is constitutionally right for her." --Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter
So there's my to do list. And it's your to-do list, too if you have contact with my family. Don't make my mama bear come out and get you--no weight or appearance comments for me and my house.
I'll be back with an update later, after the doctor and lunch. XO
4 comments:
My daughter had an eating disorder that we did not even know about. She said that she knew she had to eat when we were around so she wouldn't eat breakfast or lunch. She wrote a paper on her own experience of overcoming her problem. I brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. We thought we were doing pretty good about having an open relationship and for the most part she talked to us a lot, except for that. She talked about how she prayed for help, and found it. She was told to find something she liked about herself in the mirror. She started with her left pinky ring, she liked that. She decided she could not speak negative about anyone. She continued this process until she now can look in the mirror and honestly see herself as beautiful. I am hoping she will let us share her paper. It is a scary problem to deal with. I have seen all too much of it with my daughters friends as well.
Oh my gosh, Jamie! your post has helped me so much!!! I have been worried about Rhiannon lately... she makes comments about the way she looks sometimes (i.e. being overweight) and it shocks and scares me!! I know that it is from my own comments about myself from time to time and how i shouldnt be eating such and such foods so much! I do NOT want her to have that kind of mentality about herself when she doesnt even have anything to worry about... I mean, she is a perfectly healthy 6 year old! Thankyou so much for posting this!!! It gives me motivation to change my own habits!
Thanks for your thoughts, guys. And good luck Lacey! This is so hard for me because I look back on my life and all the things I didn't even try to do because I thought I wasn't skinny or pretty enough (even when I WAS, by definition, SKINNY, at 5'7" and 110 pounds)--it makes me so angry! I have worked very hard to silence those voices in my own life--the ones on the outside AND the inside--and to truly FEEL the value of who I really am, and not how I look. I also try to rejoice in teh things my body CAN do, especially the amazing experience of growing and giving birth to beautiful babies. I am so blessed. I am so thankful for my body and for the way, even in all its imperfections, it brings me closer to God.
Now I just need to pass that along to my girls!!!
I love this post! And I'm totally opinionated about the subject. At our house, it's all about 'making the healhty choice'. The choice that will give you energy and make you feel strong. I heard a fireside with Gladys Knight once when she talked about letting go of thinking that she should be putting less of certain things into her body. She decided to stop restricting herself. It brought so many negative feelings. So she found that when she started thinking instead about putting 'good' things into her body, that she started feeling good. She found that the more of the good things she focused on, both spiritually and physically, there wasn't any room left for the bad. I liked that, a lot!
kelli
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