That's Addie's hand in the concrete and a close up of the little glass beads we stuck in with notes under them.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Saturday, July 16, 2005
ON THIS MONTH IN HISTORY: July 1991
Here is a journal excerpt from my July 4th weekend in 1991:
"I worked 9 am -1pm. Then Mary and I went to the art show at the city center. After that (total heat stroke), we went swimming form about 2-5pm. Then she dropped me off at home and I bathed adn napped and felt truly icky. Mary came back at 8pm and we got Pizza and went to watch the fire works at Stadium of Fire. We found this awesome viewing spot. It was on this median shaped like a triangle on campus with pansies growing in the flower box. The sides of the box were cement and shaped like [a quarterpipe] so we sat on the slope like a recliner and faced the stadium. The fireworks were very cool, but ONE of them could have paid for my entire college education. I felt really ill by the end of fireworks, so I came home and went to sleep to the sound of many a bottle rocket.
"July 5th (Friday) Worked 11-3pm, then did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Lisa Robbins came over at about 8pm. We hung out and wrote and listened to music. At midnight, Phil Baier came over and Darrin from San Diego came, too. They are so funny. Lisa stayed over on our couch since we didn't go to sleep until about 3am. Lisa had to leave by 9am because she rode her bike and it was gonna be a scorcher. I got up around 11 and ate breakfast, then wrote some letters. The cable guy came so now I am writing to the sights-and-sounds of MTV. Groovy. I work 5-11pm tonight, so I'd better bail. Oh, I registered. My classes for Fall 1991: English 291, American Lit, Biology 210, College Algebra, American Civilization, Book of Mormon, Psychology of Gender [290]"
Just so you know, later I recorded my grades and I got (in the same order as above): A, A, B, C, B, A, A. And if you are wondering where my college companion, Kevin, was in these entries, he was on a family vacation for a couple of weeks. I think I was missing him, seein's how these entries were so boring. Honestly, I can't believe how much down time I had when I was out of school--I can't imagine living at that pace now. I think I can count the times I have slept past 8am since my mission on one hand! Funny how we progress!
Well--shout out to Lisa R. and Mary B. (now C.), mentioned in the above paragraphs. Mary has FOUR little boys and LISA is a stylin' single globetrotter (at least until last year) and possible the best writer and gift-giver I know-- we are all still friends.
And PS, Lisa R.--the day I got my contacts, we had a barbecue and I made habanero chili marinaded chicken. A few hours later, I went to the eye doctor and they tried to teach me how to put in my contacts. I thought I was doing something terrible wrong and that I couldn't wear contacts, until I remembered that earlier I had been in contact with, like, the world's most deadly chili! There's a reason we are friends and practically twins, girl! Dorks with red eyes!
"I worked 9 am -1pm. Then Mary and I went to the art show at the city center. After that (total heat stroke), we went swimming form about 2-5pm. Then she dropped me off at home and I bathed adn napped and felt truly icky. Mary came back at 8pm and we got Pizza and went to watch the fire works at Stadium of Fire. We found this awesome viewing spot. It was on this median shaped like a triangle on campus with pansies growing in the flower box. The sides of the box were cement and shaped like [a quarterpipe] so we sat on the slope like a recliner and faced the stadium. The fireworks were very cool, but ONE of them could have paid for my entire college education. I felt really ill by the end of fireworks, so I came home and went to sleep to the sound of many a bottle rocket.
"July 5th (Friday) Worked 11-3pm, then did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Lisa Robbins came over at about 8pm. We hung out and wrote and listened to music. At midnight, Phil Baier came over and Darrin from San Diego came, too. They are so funny. Lisa stayed over on our couch since we didn't go to sleep until about 3am. Lisa had to leave by 9am because she rode her bike and it was gonna be a scorcher. I got up around 11 and ate breakfast, then wrote some letters. The cable guy came so now I am writing to the sights-and-sounds of MTV. Groovy. I work 5-11pm tonight, so I'd better bail. Oh, I registered. My classes for Fall 1991: English 291, American Lit, Biology 210, College Algebra, American Civilization, Book of Mormon, Psychology of Gender [290]"
Just so you know, later I recorded my grades and I got (in the same order as above): A, A, B, C, B, A, A. And if you are wondering where my college companion, Kevin, was in these entries, he was on a family vacation for a couple of weeks. I think I was missing him, seein's how these entries were so boring. Honestly, I can't believe how much down time I had when I was out of school--I can't imagine living at that pace now. I think I can count the times I have slept past 8am since my mission on one hand! Funny how we progress!
Well--shout out to Lisa R. and Mary B. (now C.), mentioned in the above paragraphs. Mary has FOUR little boys and LISA is a stylin' single globetrotter (at least until last year) and possible the best writer and gift-giver I know-- we are all still friends.
And PS, Lisa R.--the day I got my contacts, we had a barbecue and I made habanero chili marinaded chicken. A few hours later, I went to the eye doctor and they tried to teach me how to put in my contacts. I thought I was doing something terrible wrong and that I couldn't wear contacts, until I remembered that earlier I had been in contact with, like, the world's most deadly chili! There's a reason we are friends and practically twins, girl! Dorks with red eyes!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
And I Quote...
July 14, 2005
MEMO TO: 2004 Build Families
FROM: Julianne Brown, Project Coordinator
SUBJECT: Countertop Update
I talked with Joel today regarding the Countertops. He will deliver the rest of them on Saturday morning at 8:00 a.m. He is bringing along the person who installs countertops. They will give a training session first. ALL ten HOMES NEED TO BE PRESENT OR HAVE A REPRESENTATIVE PRESENT AT 8:00 A.M. IF YOU CANNOT MAKE IT. The countertop installer will then go around to each home receiving their countertops that day to help and give advice to get started.
*******
I am not making this up, people! This build is so doomed, I swear! I called and talked to Julie (who sent this email) and was glad to hear that she was not near as calm and pleasant as she sounds in this email. My girl Jules is on the warpath and I LOVE THAT! I think if Joel wastes anymore of my time, my SIXTEEN houseguests can just stay at HIS house over the weekend AND I get my money back. Sounds fair.
MEMO TO: 2004 Build Families
FROM: Julianne Brown, Project Coordinator
SUBJECT: Countertop Update
I talked with Joel today regarding the Countertops. He will deliver the rest of them on Saturday morning at 8:00 a.m. He is bringing along the person who installs countertops. They will give a training session first. ALL ten HOMES NEED TO BE PRESENT OR HAVE A REPRESENTATIVE PRESENT AT 8:00 A.M. IF YOU CANNOT MAKE IT. The countertop installer will then go around to each home receiving their countertops that day to help and give advice to get started.
*******
I am not making this up, people! This build is so doomed, I swear! I called and talked to Julie (who sent this email) and was glad to hear that she was not near as calm and pleasant as she sounds in this email. My girl Jules is on the warpath and I LOVE THAT! I think if Joel wastes anymore of my time, my SIXTEEN houseguests can just stay at HIS house over the weekend AND I get my money back. Sounds fair.
Another Pretty Song
I woke up at 4:30 am and couldn't really get back to sleep, so I got up at 5:15 and went over to the new house to weed and clean up the boulvard in front of the house. I listened to a mix tape on which I heard the song "Coming Up Close" by Til Tuesday. I suppose there is an undercurrent of missing my family of origin or just memories in my mood today, because this song really got to me. It can tug at the heartstrings anytime, really.
One night in Iowa, he and I in a borrowed car
went driving in the summer, promises in every star
Out in the distance I could hear some people laughing
I felt my heart beat back a weekend's worth of sadness
There was a farmhouse that had long since been deserted
we stopped and carved our hearts into the wooden surface
we thought just for an instant we could see the future
we thought for once we knew what really was important
Coming up close
everything sounds like welcome home
Come home
and oh, by the way
don't you know that I could make
a dream that's barely half-awake come true?
I wanted to say -but anything I could have said
I felt somehow that you already knew
We got back in the car and listened to a Dylan tape
we drove around the fields until it started getting late
and I went back to my hotel room on the highway
and he just got back in his car and drove away
Coming up close
everything sounds like welcome home
Come home
and oh, by the way
don't you know that I could make
a dream that's barely half-awake come true?
I wanted to say -but anything I could have said
I felt somehow that you already knew
Coming up close
everything sounds like welcome home
Come on home
I also went and worked out at Curves from about 6:20-6:45 am--just once around and stretching because those weeds were a work out in themselves. It was a good start to a busy day. A day that includes a play group date and lunch at our friends' house in Springdale and HOPEFULLY will involve countertops and concrete, too [no, the countertops did NOT come in yesterday, so you can bet CMC is getting a fat Better Business Bureau report, even if he grovels--it has taken almost TEN WEEKS, dude!]. So I am outta here. Leave me a comment cuz I been so missing yall!
Continued
So the reason I had to do so much laundry is that Addie has sort of slacked on being potty trained. I think she is really upset because (a) each day I put more of our stuff in boxes and (b) mommy and daddy have been extra busy/distracted with the move coming up. Whatever the reason, she has at least one accident every day and wet the bed about 4 nights in a row.
Of course, each bed has only one alternate set of sheets, so I had just finished laundering the spares and put the fresh regulars back on when she first wet her bed, then came to our bed and wet it, too. It even got to the mattress, so Tuesday instead of doing all the progressive, important, and fun things we had planned, I shampooed the mattress with the cleaner we have on loan from the in-laws. But the little puddle was still visible after the first cleaning, so I made a spray bottle solution of laundry detergent and bleach (very diluted) and sprayed it on the pillow top. All of a sudden, any and all pee stains turned the color of rust and I panicked! I had to shampoo with all my might to get it all clean and that took another hour, which eliminated Play School time.
Meanwhile, I am scrubbing away and Addie finds the spray bottle--WITH BLEACH IN IT-- and starts dancing around the beddroom squirting it and chasing Heidi.
Now, I immediately know it is my fault for leaving it on the nightstand, but I am so angry, so at the end of my rope, I just stop shampooing, remove the bucket of dirty water from teh shampooer, take the spray bottle from Addie, and then go to the kitchen sink and cry like a little baby. I cry because I am so stupid that I left a spray bottle in a three-year-old's reach and who knows what she runined that I can't afford to replace? And I cry harder because I can't keep up with her, because I have to pack up this house and finish the new one and still do laundry, make dinner, play with my kids, remain calm and patient, help my YW be ready for their Wyoming pioneer trek on Monday, and come to terms with being a second-rate member of my local family, an inept mother and wife, who --one of these days-- is gonna get reported the the mommy police or something for being such a loser. I cry because my girlfriends and sisters who have been in this exact same position, who would come over and play with my kids while I tried to catch up with my life, are all hundreds of miles away, as is my mom, who--although she has made me cry before--would totally understand why I am hunched over the kitchen sink sobbing on a day like today and not even think I was a terrible person.
I scrambled to think who I could call for help and realized the answer is no one, so I said a little prayer and sucked it up. I talked to my mom a couple of hours later and felt relieved that I'd had the foresight to arrange for a babysitter so I could go work on the new house and feel some relief.
It all worked out. And please don't think I just want to get away from my kids, because I don't. I miss them after about 30 minutes and realize that I could never go back to work. What I want to get away from is the constant reminder that I am a lame mom. Chaos does not become me. I hope that surviving this move--surviving this who building project--will give me the self-confidence I lack. And the peace and sense of order I crave.
Okay, I just reread that, and I think it sounds like now is the time I break into song--you know that song that Julie Andrews sings as Maria Van Trapp when she is heading out to be the governess of SEVEN children!
Of course, each bed has only one alternate set of sheets, so I had just finished laundering the spares and put the fresh regulars back on when she first wet her bed, then came to our bed and wet it, too. It even got to the mattress, so Tuesday instead of doing all the progressive, important, and fun things we had planned, I shampooed the mattress with the cleaner we have on loan from the in-laws. But the little puddle was still visible after the first cleaning, so I made a spray bottle solution of laundry detergent and bleach (very diluted) and sprayed it on the pillow top. All of a sudden, any and all pee stains turned the color of rust and I panicked! I had to shampoo with all my might to get it all clean and that took another hour, which eliminated Play School time.
Meanwhile, I am scrubbing away and Addie finds the spray bottle--WITH BLEACH IN IT-- and starts dancing around the beddroom squirting it and chasing Heidi.
Now, I immediately know it is my fault for leaving it on the nightstand, but I am so angry, so at the end of my rope, I just stop shampooing, remove the bucket of dirty water from teh shampooer, take the spray bottle from Addie, and then go to the kitchen sink and cry like a little baby. I cry because I am so stupid that I left a spray bottle in a three-year-old's reach and who knows what she runined that I can't afford to replace? And I cry harder because I can't keep up with her, because I have to pack up this house and finish the new one and still do laundry, make dinner, play with my kids, remain calm and patient, help my YW be ready for their Wyoming pioneer trek on Monday, and come to terms with being a second-rate member of my local family, an inept mother and wife, who --one of these days-- is gonna get reported the the mommy police or something for being such a loser. I cry because my girlfriends and sisters who have been in this exact same position, who would come over and play with my kids while I tried to catch up with my life, are all hundreds of miles away, as is my mom, who--although she has made me cry before--would totally understand why I am hunched over the kitchen sink sobbing on a day like today and not even think I was a terrible person.
I scrambled to think who I could call for help and realized the answer is no one, so I said a little prayer and sucked it up. I talked to my mom a couple of hours later and felt relieved that I'd had the foresight to arrange for a babysitter so I could go work on the new house and feel some relief.
It all worked out. And please don't think I just want to get away from my kids, because I don't. I miss them after about 30 minutes and realize that I could never go back to work. What I want to get away from is the constant reminder that I am a lame mom. Chaos does not become me. I hope that surviving this move--surviving this who building project--will give me the self-confidence I lack. And the peace and sense of order I crave.
Okay, I just reread that, and I think it sounds like now is the time I break into song--you know that song that Julie Andrews sings as Maria Van Trapp when she is heading out to be the governess of SEVEN children!
Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me
All of that said, I reminded myself yesterday that a little bit of special attention goes a long way with the kids. I held Addie and played with her and read to her during Heidi's nap and she was a little sweeter. Still having accidents, but not trying to kill me.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Dreams Stay with You
I officially curse Crazy Mountain Cabinetry with all manner of disease and misfortune for (a) measuring for countertops on May 7th and again on May 28th (b) promising them in 2-3 weeks BOTH times (c) promising them on July 11th, then July 12th, and now July 13th. CMC, YOU SUCK!! That’s all we are waiting for to make our house liveable.
On a happier note, I did my first load of wash at the new house last night! WOO HOO! Shout out to my mom in law for getting our washer and dryer (which my SIL had been using) tuned up and freshly painted—they look GREAT and we appreciate your help, Mom and Dad M!
When Richard and I work on the house together in the evenings, we crank up the tunes and listen to old mix CDs or Flogging Molly. Last night , we were listening to a mix called “Road Rock,” made for a roadtrip, with lots of Foo Fighters and other rockin’ songs. Big Country’s (you remember the 80’s one-hit-wonder Scottish band with bagpipes) “In A Big Country” came on while I was caulking…I had to do some highland dancing.
“I’ve never seen you look like this without a reason
Another promise fallen through, another season passes by you...
I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert
But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime
In a big country dreams stay with you
Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside--Stay alive”
My "dream" is to LIVE in this house we have built with our own hands (and those of our family and friends at times), but it has been like growing flowers in the desert. And SO many promise have fallen through and seasons have passed by us, but alas, we keep on truckin’ yall. And the end is in sight. **SIGH**
Wait til I tell you WHY I had to do laundry last night—you will marvel that Addie is still alive. More to come…
On a happier note, I did my first load of wash at the new house last night! WOO HOO! Shout out to my mom in law for getting our washer and dryer (which my SIL had been using) tuned up and freshly painted—they look GREAT and we appreciate your help, Mom and Dad M!
When Richard and I work on the house together in the evenings, we crank up the tunes and listen to old mix CDs or Flogging Molly. Last night , we were listening to a mix called “Road Rock,” made for a roadtrip, with lots of Foo Fighters and other rockin’ songs. Big Country’s (you remember the 80’s one-hit-wonder Scottish band with bagpipes) “In A Big Country” came on while I was caulking…I had to do some highland dancing.
“I’ve never seen you look like this without a reason
Another promise fallen through, another season passes by you...
I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert
But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime
In a big country dreams stay with you
Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside--Stay alive”
My "dream" is to LIVE in this house we have built with our own hands (and those of our family and friends at times), but it has been like growing flowers in the desert. And SO many promise have fallen through and seasons have passed by us, but alas, we keep on truckin’ yall. And the end is in sight. **SIGH**
Wait til I tell you WHY I had to do laundry last night—you will marvel that Addie is still alive. More to come…
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