Some Mothers

I've been reminiscing about my babies today, as I do every Mother's Day. I kept my tradition of tucking them in like I did when they were babies--they each have their own lullaby, so I sang each one (Addie's is "Adeline" to the tune of "Edelweiss," Heidi's is "Baby Mine," and James' is "Sweet Baby James") then I came and edited some old photos I scanned a while back. Here are some of my favorite photos from my motherhood: Addie and Me in 2002

My girls and me right after Heidi's birth in 2004

The girls welcoming James in 2006.

I am so thankful to be their mom!

***

Now, let's take a journey back in time...

Here I am practicing being married AND a mother in 1974--Willy and I were dressed up for Aunt Marti's wedding and the twins had just come home from the hospital--YAY! This is at Grandma Elreys' house-- I loved that orange lamp and I would PAY to have a copy of that awesome family photo of us behind the couch!

This is me on or around my first birthday in 1972. We are at Grandma Layton's house in Thatcher.

This is my mommy and me in 1971

This is my mom, super prego, 1971

This is my mom on her first day of college in 1969.

This is my mom when she was 14 at her grandmother's house.

That's my mom (far right) with her cousins around age 3.

That's my cute little Grandmother becoming a mother at age 20, holding my mother.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom & Gram!

A Spoonful of Truth

Each morning this week I have been (a) watching Steph's "My New Life" video (below) and then watching/taking notes on another conference talk (on DVR) to give myself the strength to do my day. I really can't tell you how much Stephanie's statement, "I am Stephanie Nielsen and I am not my body" has meant to me.

I have always struggled with the fact that my outside doesn't match my inside, at least in the way our world judges things--I am convinced that my inside is a slim, bobbed-brunette, bespectacled, 5-foot-3-inch librarian/nun. But my outside has always been a taller, curvacious, squishy, sunny blonde. Hard to match up.

Me with Addie, 2002

And since I finished nursing James in 2007 and all the hormones settled in and the Graves Disease began to rage, that curvy body got even curvier, my head has ached excruciatingly almost everyday requiring a prescription which I rarely take because it makes me sleep and I don't want to miss even an hour of a day with my kids. The arthritis in my back and the disease in my system make each morning hard to face--I wake with the first burning pains between 3 and 4am and I flip on my heating pad. I start to pray that they will go away and I can make something of my day. I have found that if I skip my afternoon siesta (usually from 1:30-2:30), I have to sacrifice my evening because I will be (figuratively) face-down in my dinner plate. Exhausted.

At first I felt free to rest up because I was trying to "get well." But then it became clear that there is no "getting well", that this is my new normal--MY New Life--but the people around me seemed impatient for me to be well again. So I started pretending that I feel good everyday because that's what others need to think--that I feel good, that I am fine, that all is well.

And all IS well, but just for the record, I don't feel good. Ever. Whether or not I get all my exercise and supplements and medication and sleep, I will probably never feel good again. But I feel good enough. And I feel even better when I do the things my Spirit and my body want me to do. Sometimes meeting both needs--Body & Spirit--is like caring for two whiny, demanding children whose needs are at odds. My Spirit still has lofty goals and aspirations and good ideas and a desire to serve and learn and write, 24/7. My body would like 2 Excedrin migraine caplets twice a day with a Coca -Cola chaser, then fresh organic food, a yoga session, a massage, and 13 hours of sleep everyday. As you can clearly suss, it's a battle each day to just balance them out and do my thing. But the happy news is I AM NOT MY BODY. I will be judged on the desires of my heart--or, in other words, all the things my Spirit longs to do and be. To me, that really is good news.

Lately

I finally uploaded what's on my camera...I haven't been very motivated since my grandparents' computer broke (if you have a laptop and you're near them, would you take it over so they can catch up on blogs? they still have wireless), but here's what we've been doin' the past few weeks:Here's my sweet boy on 4/18...I just thot is was appropriate that he was sitting there under the "Count Your Blessings" sign cuz he's my sunshine!
When I walked out my front door and turned to the right on 4/19, this is what I saw.
(tulips blooming!)

Our first bloom of the year, out front in the river rocks

These tulips were next to bloom

That was my week to host preschool and talk about spiders & insects, too.
Zane, James, Lydia and Ashley love to use the air popper for snack time!

On Saturday 4/24 there was a handbell choir regional conference in our town and that night, Heidi and I went on a date to their concert. It was amazing!

Look at all those bell-ringers! It sounded divine.

Heidi amused herself by drawing (as usual).

On Monday 4/26, I realized our Museum of the Rockies membership was about to expire, so I took James to spend one last day with the dinosaurs (we are not renewing until the new children's activity center is done).

Lovin' on the stegosaurus (yes, he insists on wearing his dino shirt to the museum).

On May Day Richard & I were doing a bit of deep cleaning, so after the kids cleaned their rooms, Addie organized a "cowboy safari" in the back yard for them, complete with outfits, stick horses, and binoculars.

I seriously dig these kids.

Retro: Heidi's Birthday Party

These are not just fun family photos--consider them a manual on how to throw an awesome party without actually having to BE awesome yourself.

Heidi had been talking about her birthday party since Addie had hers in November. So even though I was a useless lump of sad mess when I got home from AZ, my sisterfriends came to the rescue yet again. First, they came the night after we got home and brought me chicken soup (that really was for the soul), cheese bread, salad, brownies, tulips, a card and SOOOOO much love, I was able to plan the party, create, and distribute THESE invitations. I got on the ol' world wide web and found printable coupons for deep discounts and Papa Murphy's Pizza, made some goody bags, and baked some cupcakes, and that was about the extent of my mama mojo. Luckily, Aunt Debbie (my dear sisterfriend and Heidi's best pal) came to the rescue!...

First, she brought her awesome 13-year old daughter to help us set up. They brought vines and monkeys and a ring toss game to decorate with.

So tip #1 is ask a super-talented, enthusiastic friend to help. Tip#2 is invite the Beehives (12-13 y.o. girls at church) to come help, too. They are so good with the little kids!

While the guests arrived at various times, Debbie and Heidi read a fun jungle-themed storybook to the kids and they pretended to be jungle animals.

Tip #3 is have a good group warm-up activity.
Seriously, the kids just ate it up...Debbie ROCKS with kids!

[PS: you see two of my other sisterfriends in the background there--Kim Strupp & Melissa Westenskow--angels, they are]

After everyone had arrived, Deb took the kids out back for a safari--she had hid tiny plastic jungle animals all over the yard and the kids went wild looking for them!

Tip #4: weather permitting, have energetic outdoor activities, preferably led by said Beehives or awesome energetic friend.

Here are the kids with their jungle animals. I will now attempt to name them all:

back: Addie, Rosalie, Natalie, Rachel, Hailey W., Marissa, Suzy, Chloe, Jackson, Tyler, Hailey S., Jared; front mob: Lauryn, Ashlan, Lydia, Heidi, Danny, Gabe, Ashley, James, and Hannah.Heidi loved having her school friends over and pushing them on the swings.

Rachel, Chloe (on swing), Heidi, and Natalie (on swing).

Ashley Strupp is the love of James' life.

Addie, Aunt Debbie, and Cousin Rosalie on safari

Baby Suzy Westenskow is the life of every party.

Rachel set up quite the jungle

(we were so blessed with good weather! at least until the winds kicked up)

Tyler and Cousin Danny are in the same first grade class.

Cuties: Kim and Jason Strupp

Kids playing freeze dance or something

(notice James is wearing his train engineer overalls)

Little Wyatte Claar came to party with his Grandma (my sisterfriend Jenn) while his daddy is in Afghanistan :(

I think Jason was contemplating eating those animals!

Aunt Debbie leading another fun outdoor game

with help from THREE Beehives (by this time, Michaela and Marissa had joined the fun)

Finally, we served Pizza, lemonade, and cupcakes!

Tip#5: have simple foods you can eat with your hands!

Some friends ate outside...

Heidi blew out her candles & made a wish

Some friends ate in the house...and after cupcakes, we said good bye to all our guests and our magnificent helpers (there was a bridal shower right after Heidi's party).

TIP#...whatever: Open gifts AFTER the party (unless the givers insist) because it's a lot calmer that way and easier to keep track for thank you notes.

PS: I just had to show you what the Strupps got for Heidi (Trevor Strupp is our dentist and Kim is a hygienist)..."Dentist Barbie!" HAHAHA.

In Times of Trouble

Just hours before I entered the MTC (mission training center, "Empty Sea" as I once heard it), I sat with my BYU Stake President and listened to him read THIS scripture to me. I had no idea what heart aches and challenges lay ahead--neither in the mission field nor in life--but that scripture sunk in deep and wrote itself on my heart. So deep, in fact, that everytime I hear it I remember the moment he read it to me. And then, like a slideshow, the moments of trial and sorrow where I was indeed born up by angels and my suffering sanctified, flash through my mind. And then I am comforted because I know that it is true. It is all but a small moment, it will all be for my good, and there is always peace and comfort and a better me on the other side. Every time.

So having gone to bed with a broken heart and waking up again with it still quite heavy, it was nothing short of tiny miracle, a tender mercy, and hug from My Father, to receive this link from Georgia this morning. My e-friend Stephanie now has her own Mormon Messages episode on you tube. It tells her story so beautifully and succinctly, all the while reiterating that these promises are for all of us. This strength and comfort and growth is available to all of us if we will see the holiness and potential of our sufferings, if w will be humble and let God shape us inside the proverbial refiner's fire. I testify with my life and all that I am that it is true. They will always bear us up.

You Got Some 'Splaining To Do...

I am already tired of hearing people they are ashamed to be Arizonans today. Dude, my state is represented by two dolts (I've yet to meet someone who voted for them, and yet they continue to legislate in our names) who do things that embarrass me on a regular basis, but I'll never be ashamed to be a Montanan. Or an Arizona native. Laws and legislators come and go, the land and its peeps are forever.

UPDATE 5/5/10: I also found THIS LINK helpful.

I think THIS is an interesting discussion about what's happening is Arizona. I am neither outraged nor thrilled. My general feeling is you've nothing to fear if you've nothing to hide, BUT that's easy to say up here in Montana, far from the crisis. I love Mexicans AND I love the law AND I think it's super ingnorant when people get bent out of shape when a law starts being enforced.

BUT I also like the practical arguments of this article because unenforceable laws just make us look stupid and impotent, and I think there are better, more realistic ways of cracking down. oh, sigh.

I don't sound very libertarian here, which is why I don't call myself one, although that's generally how I roll. I kinda feel the same way about this as I did when my parents said they'd never get OnStar cuz the government would be able to track your every move. Mmmmkay, but as for me and my house, we've nothing to hide...that'd get really boring for the government really quick! However, I know there are great legal minds and fabulous constitutional scholars who will hash this out and make it fair for BOTH the legal, tax-paying citizens of Arizona AND the immigrants who do--legally or illegally--so much to make a life here.

(Yes, I know there is a huge crime problem stemming from the immigration crisis, but I also know lots of good, hard-working people who get screwed by the system, including some really dear friends/fellow BYU students and missionaries, the issues run super deep and there are no simple fixes). I am interested in reading your opinions if you can share them rationally (without getting angry).

I'm Not Afraid Because I KNOW

Thinking of my "middle-little" sister tonight... some consequences seem more than we can bear and I pray for mercy and comfort for her tonight. Sinead O'Connor's "Last Day of Our Acquaintance" has been running through my mind, hurting my heart.

And then there are the illnesses...still no good news, just waiting.

A long time ago, Maria McKee had an album called This World Is Not My Home and I loved that title because I have always felt that way. At first it was a sad, hard thing for me. But now I am grateful that I don't belong here. I make the best of it but look forward to better. So when my sister told me about this new Carrie Underwood song, and then my cousin posted its video, I put aside my country/pop aversion and gave it a listen. It's really quite good, and painfully appropos. CLICK HERE to visit Cousin Pearly's site (she's my younger twin, btw), and cry along with me tonight.

Old man, hospital bed,
The room is filled with people he loves.
And he whispers, " Don't cry for me, I'll see you all someday."
He looks up and says, "I can see God's face...
This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know... this was my temporary home."

This is our temporary home.

Provo Parade of Homes

As mentioned below, this year marks twenty years since I moved to Provo, so I took my nieces and my kids on a little photo safari to take pictures of my old houses. Come stroll down student-ghetto-memory-lane with me...

267 W. 1200 N.--Truth be told, I did live in a 6-person apartment at the Riviera all by myself for 3 months before I moved into this basement apartment with Mary Bown and Jeanne Buchert in August 1990. But who needs a picture of the Riv? Not me. We had tons-o-fun at this house and I started the long process of really growing up at this house--painful lessons, Twin Peaks +pumpkin cookies+ Pepsi, good friends, etc. I remember spending a week with Willy before his mission at this house. We watched the Gulf War begin on our tiny TV here.

The next summer, I lived here at Frankenhaus (is it 189 E. 500N.? Right by the BYAcademy/Library) with a bunch of people, including Julie Paynter Callahan. This is where I met my soul sista, Lisa Robbins Andersen, too. Back then, the Academy building was abandoned, surrounded by chain link, prolly haunted, and it wasn't as fun to live by it as it would be now. One time, all our friends who lived here got arrested for playing hide and seek in the Academy Building. For some reason, I stayed home to study that night (huh?!?!) and missed out on the experience. Best memories here are late nights with Kevin (we watched Johnny Carson retire here), slurpees from the nearby sev, and glow-in-the-dark frisbee in the intersection.

I began to settle down a bit and looked for a quieter place to live than Frankenhaus. I lived briefly in a house in Orem, but after a month or two I moved in with Jeanne Buchert again at this sweet little row house at 639 W. 100 N. This was probably the best living arrangement ever--so peaceful and fun (well, except for our arguments about the dishes--Jeanne bought new dishes rather than washing the dirty old ones, so I introduced her to paper plates and my crazy clean-freak side--we of course forgave each other for this). Both our brothers (Martin and Willy) were on missions and I have fun memories of us sitting down to write them wacky collage letters. It was in this house where I received my personal revelation to serve a mission, and I lived here while working at Maeser Elementary with Dawnelle Sanders. Really good times (and a cute house).

My next "apartment" in Provo was the MTC...I entered on October 7, 1992 and stayed for 18 days. Then I was off to North Carolina Raleigh.
This, of course, is my Heavenly Father's house, which I visited often after October 1992.

IT'S RUPPER FIVE!!!

When I came home from my mission, I lived for a couple of months in an apatment complex until this little beauty opened up (right above a dental office! I would once again live above a dental office in Livingston while we built our house, but when Erin tried to mock me, I said, "I may live above a dental office, but you live WITH A DENTIST!" --word). It's not the prettiest building, but inside many beautiful things happened. I made two of my dearest friends--Heidi Buchert Egan and Erin Lyman Casper--and learned how to live a life of post-mission integrity. It was a wonderful year!

Don't forget the boys next door at the House of Fun...

Or our beloved Sev...the 7-11 where I threw my change under the bushes (for homeless people or for later), where we bought nachos and slurpees (because corn is a grain, cheese is dairy and jalapenos are vegetables and slurpees are fruit) to eat while we watched NHL and Simpsons!

***

I left Rupper 5 to move to DC/ North Carolina for a year, then I moved to Tucson to finish my degree at the University of Arizona. I didn't return to Provo until the new milenium when I got a job teaching English at UVSC and writing marketing copy for Morinda. I lived for a month with Erin, who was now married and had just given birth to her third child, until I found this condo:

This secluded little villa on Carterville Road is special because it is where I met Richard, and where I lived until I moved into our little Draper love nest (at the complex now known as Adagio). I lived here with Kooky Julie, then Michelle Cook, and Kim Sidwell. Totally pleasant experience all around!

We lived up in Salt Lake County for one year after we were married. But in November 2001, when Addie was born, Richard got a job in Provo, so we looked for a place there. Rob and Geo rgia Buchert found this house right next to them and we moved in in February 2002. We stayed until Rich's company went under in September, then made our big move to Livingston. This house mostly holds crazy post-partum memories for me, but again, a great experience.

This concludes our Parade of Provo Homes. We hope you enjoyed your tour...please exit to your left. :)