Grandma Gifts

I read this post today from cjane and it killed me.

Tonight I cleaned Addie's room so my sister, Erin, and her husband and baby can sleep in it tomorrow night. As I straightened up Addie's (piles and piles of) things, I noticed how sweet and girly all the little things in her room are.

And then I noticed that, with few exceptions, all of her dainty treasures have come from her grandmothers: Hand-made Barbie clothes and necklaces and daisy quillow from Grandma Rosalie, Satiny-fleece blanket from Grandma Becky, Pet Shop Pets and hairbows and stationery from Nana, Poetry Books and China Dolls and greeting cards from Great-Grandma Lyn, Teddy Bears and love notes from Great-Grandma Sine... Five wonderful women passing on a legacy of femininity, little mementos of What It Means To Be A Girl, to my firstborn daughter.

[Baby Addie and Me, December 2001]

I got a lump in my throat. I am so glad for all the help I have to raise her. I was so overwhelmed to have a daughter--when I first found out she was a girl, I freaked out a bit. But I think we are BOTH growing up to be good women, helping one another along the way, and feeling thankful for the other women in our family who are helping us from afar.

[Grandma Lyn, Great-Grandma Marie (Gramareeeee), Baby Me, and My Little Mommy, Blessing Day October 1971]
[Another Blessing Day, 30 years later...
Mom, Grandma Lyn holding Adeline, and Me
January 2002]

[First-Time Grandparents! Addie with Grandma & Grandpa Melin
on her Blessing Day]
[Grampa Jim and Gramma Becky admire Baby Addie, December 2001]

[Grandma Sine rocking Addie, December 2001]

Letter to me from my Grandma Lyn, circa 1975

***

PS: While I was nosin' around my 2002 Photo Archive, I found this adorable picture of Addie, Ally, & Isabelle on the day we moved to Montana from Utah. I couldn't resist doing a "then & now" comparison:
Of course, we added Heidi to the mix, and Ally is no longer the biggest, but they are all still so adorable and they love each other so much. Hooray for cousins!

KINDERGARTEN CAMP!

[But first, here's the ONE picture of camping on Friday...you can see some fo the rust-colored trees where the pine beetles have killed off half the forest]Heidi has Kindergarten Camp this week, kind of a fun-filled orientation for the new little kids...
Here we are on Monday morning meeting Principal Hunsicker.

Heidi is so excited to meet her teacher and class! James loves the playground!

Skip-to-my-lou!

This is Heidi's teacher, Mrs. Thums ("Tooms"). She's going to be great for Heidi! (She looks a little fierce in this picture, but she is a kindergarten veteran--so awesome, she reminds me of Mrs. Mercaldo at Roger's--I think she taught my whole family!)

Lining up

Heidi is ready for school! (8/26 is the first day)

End of a Season

It's only August, I know. It's not even mid-August but I keep feeling Fall. It has been cooler than usual and all the wild sunflowers are out. Nothing says "BACK-TO-SCHOOL" to me like those flowers, so even though we have another month of sunshine, I feel like summer is already over. *SIGH*...reminds me of Reluctance by Frost [although nobody loves autumntime more than this blogger, I promise!]:

"...Ah, when to the heart of man

Was it ever less than a treason

To go with the drift of things,

To yield with a grace to reason,

And bow and accept the end

Of a love or a season?"

Roles of a Poet

So Thursday night, Rich had to go to Bozeman to lead the Stake Preparedness Meeting and I had the kids at home. They were getting rowdy, so we went for a drive along the river and listened to NPR...I can't remember if it was a segment of All Things Considered or a City Arts & Lectures, but the author of a book about Robert Frost came on to lecture about poetic theory and Frost's influence and how he was different, etc...did anyone else hear this? Does anyone else know who the author is? I was really enjoying it but didn't get to finish it and I would love to read the book.

I especially liked his brief history of the poet's role, starting with the Greeks, and how the poet was The Recorder of What Must Not Be Forgotten. For the Greeks, it was more historic and epic, but Frost tweaked that definition to a much smaller level--moments, images, thoughts--things from a single life, a single day, which must not be forgotten. He talked about Seamus Heaney, etc...and then I had to go home. Help me find out who this dude was...Jay Parini? Tyler Hoffman? Jeffrey Meyers? None of those names rings a bell, but they are all Frost scholars. Maybe it was one of them.

***
UPDATE: It's Sunday now...Really?? Nothing? Where are my fellow nerds? Hey, maybe a computer geek who reads this blog could do a better search for me and find out....COME ON, PEOPLE! ;)

Unposted

I have this folder from July of photos I wanted to post but never did, so I am going to post them today since I forgot to take pictures of camping this weekend. Here's Isabelle Petersen (my niece, Belle) playing dolls wiht Addie.
Here's the whole parade gang on July 2nd.

SMOKEY!

Addie at the parade

Addie & Belle (LOVE this)

Ally with her awesome parade hat

The kids getting candy from the Shriner Clown

More parade gang

Heidi at the parade

James

James & Belle

Daddy & James

More cute parade pix...

Marshall watching the parade

Mules!

Pipers!

My Cutie Hubs arriving at our parade spot from his office.

[notice Heidi shouting "Daddy!" and running from across the street]

WOODSY!

Sweetie Cousins: Belle and Addie at the Parade.

Wrestling

I'm going camping in the rain tonight. I hate camping but I also hate my house today, so it'll be good to be out with my kids. Addie and I are going to embroider til our fingers bleed! I know, sounds heavenly! I broke down today, hardcore. Something inside my head physically snapped, I felt it. I woke up with a back- and head- ache so severe my chiro couldn't adjust me at my 11:00am appointment. Taking a morning jetted-tub-soak didn't help, and neither did two Excedrin migraine. The left side of my face was tingling, and pain was shooting down from my left hip through my knee to my ankle and arch. I threw up twice from the nausea. After recovering from the second time (2:30-ish?), I emerged from the bathroom to find that (a) Heidi and James had just trashed the family room with their coloring supplies, (b) James had wet his pants for the 3rd time today, and (c) proceeded to color himself all over with a sharpie [sound familiar, Jenn???]. That's when I snapped.

I was so angry, I couldn't even discipline them. I couldn't even talk. James gets hosed off with a cold hand shower when he has accidents and I had to try so hard not to throw him in the tub. I hosed him off, then made him soak for a bit to get the marker off his skin. Heidi figured out she'd better move it, so she cleaned up their mess and went and laid on my bed. By then I was crying and I couldn't stop. It totally freaked me out. I was just sobbing and I couldn't put a lid on it. I called Rich but I couldn't talk, so that freaked HIM out and he came home. It took me a good half hour to stop sobbing and shaking-- seriously freaking out. Every possible negative thought was just flooding my brain, and when I consciously tried to bring something positive to my mind, it just blew by or turned into a guilty feeling. It was like a dementor attack. I finally got a grip , but then Rich tried to take the kids "so I could rest," but that made me upset again because there was nowhere for him to take them and I knew they should be with me. I finally talked him into letting them come down and lay by me. We had a calmer afternoon--watched a kid show then got ready for the camp out--but I literally had to white-knuckle my way through it, breathing deeply, praying in my head, blinking back tears. I am losing my mind. I so tired of not feeling good. But I am also tired of wrestling with darkness. Today was an example of the chinks beginning to appear in my armor. I am going up the mountain to repair some cracks, find some peace, begin again. Again.

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world..." Ephesians 6:12

***

PS: THIS did cheer me a little. Maybe we'll watch Ferris in the tent tonight.

UPDATED: Awesome Hughes Tribute from 1991

Metformin is tap dancin' in my belly! I can't sleep! But the thunder storm is AMAZING!
Sleep
Sleep tonight
and may your dream
be realized
If the thunder cloud
passes rain
let it rain
rain down on me

BRING IT, Mother Nature....

***

WHAT?!

Seriously, THIS makes me so sad.


Thanks for the memories, John.

Help From Both Sides

My alarm clock this morning was James barfing on me, so I am ready to snuggle a sicky and wash what ever he barfs on all day. Whiel I am doing that, I will read THIS TALK--I found the devotional from which Sunday's quote was taken. You can read along!

Have a great day.

***

Okay, now it's 3:30. James is napping, Heidi has just come home from a date with Aunt Debbie, and I just finished reading Jeffrey R. Holland's talk (link above). Are you done yet? K, let's discuss. I'll post my faovrite parts and you post yours!

First let me tell you that I printed it out, then went and read it on the porch between 2:30-3pm, just as a CRAZY-WILD thunderstorm blew in and it was soul-stirringly awesome...wish U were here!

So...I loved his introduction of the topic: "I wish to speak today of a problem that is universal...I believe it is a form of evil...I speak of doubt--especially self-doubt--and discouragement and despair...This morning I want to attack double-digit depression." It totally IS a form of evil! It's so important to remember that! (more from President Benson on the subject HERE).

Holland quotes Thoreau, which I love: "Love your life, poor as it is...The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man's abode."

I love the whole section where he gives us scriptural examples of others' troublesome times. It begins with, "If you are trying hard and living right and things still seem burdensome and difficult, take heart. Others have walked that way before you..." and ends with how Enoch went from "slow of speech" to roaring like a lion.

The following section contains some really beautiful ideas about repentance:
"...there can be a different you."
"Repentance is not a foreboding word. It is, following faith, the most encouraging word in the Christian vocabulary. Repentance is simplt the scriptural invitation for growth and improvemetn and progress and renewal. You can change! You can be anything you want to be in righteousness."
And here's the most clever point about repentance:
"Do not misunderstand. Repentance isnot easy or painless or convenient. It is a bitter cup from Hell. But only Satan, who dwells there, would have you think that a necessary acknowledgement is more distateful than permanent residence...don't fall for it." AWESOME!

There are two great stories that folow the repentance part--one of Eli Pierce, who had the faith to accept a mission call he was totally unprepared for (which makes me think hard about who we call to positions as leaders in the ward), and another about the little hayseed lost in Chicago.

Then my favorite part where he recounts the story of Elisha and the dang Syrian army. More than anything I learned in 4 years of seminary, this story has stuck with me for 25 years. This phrase, "They that be with us are more than they that be with them" means the world to me! And Elder Holland does a great job retelling the story and how it applies to us. One more time, just to hit it home, here is the quote that led me to the talk. (I am going to tattoo it to my eyelids):
"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed."

And that concludes today's personal study. Thanks for joining me!

post script:

Here is another great article about forgiving oneself.

In Other News...

In all the hullabaloo, I forgot to write about some things going on at my house last week. The best news is that James is 90% potty trained (I still put on pullups at night, but he was dry this morning)--hooray! I bought him a new Mack (the truck that pulls Lightning McQueen from Cars) to celebrate, and if he has an accident I just have to remind him that if we don't make it to the potty, Mack has to get put away and that serves as a fine reminder.

Also, Rich and I had a date at the Rod & Gun Club on Wednesday night. I shot a 38 special and a little 22 rifle with decent accuracy (I was within the bullseye most of the time, but obviously pulling right). I was too scared to shoot the BIG rifle (it's a 5__sumthin-sumthin, semi-automatic with ginormous ammo), but Rich shot it pretty well, hitting the target once at 500 yards! It was kind of cold outside so I watched from the car for a while and I must say it was really fun to watch hubs shoot as the sun set, listening to City Arts & Lectures on NPR. I definitely have the best of all possible worlds.

That's all for now...Heidi & James are restless! Addie is at summer day camp for 2 weeks, so H&J are really at each other's throats. Later...

I Draw Myself Apart

I have been thinking a lot about THIS POST I wrote two years ago, so I went back and re-read it. Sometimes I wish so much that Heavenly Father could show me the "unmet needs", automatically, and also how to fill them. Sometimes I wish he'd jump in and fill the void, saying, "Awww, just this once! To heck with the plan and figuring it out! Let me just patch that hole...." and make us all-better. And I am sure he wishes that sometimes, too. But we have to do the work and the work is hard. I'm tired. I'm tired, and it's really not even me who has the long row to hoe. So, so world-weary....

Which is why I am glad I got to escape to the little fluffy cloud of peace that is Relief Society today, even if it's just for this week, and even though it was just for 20 minutes. We sang the following song, and I though of how important it is to seek healing and comfort from the right sources; to invite our Maker to fill those "deep, unmet needs" rather than filling the void with junk:

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole
when with a wounded heart
anger or malice
I draw myself apart, searching my soul?
Where, when my aching grows
Where, when I languish
Where, in my need to know,
Where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He--only One.
He answers privately, reaches my reaching
in my Gethsemane, my Savior and friend.
Gentle the peace He finds for my beseeching
Constant He is, and kind...
Love without end.
***

I'm so glad today was fast Sunday.

PS: Here's another applicable link.

PPS: And I just found THIS: “In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike–and they will–you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. (See 2 Kings 6:16-17)They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed.”
Jeffrey R. Holland: